One of the toughest parts about life—even if it does last forever—is when a loved one dies. We miss their bodily presence, hug, and voice—in short, all the physical attributes that we associate with our beloved family, friends, or pets.
It’s difficult when a loved one dies and transitions on to the next phase of forever. But life has taken a new turn and is offering you an opportunity to see past the illusion of death. You now have a chance to realize that your departed loved one was and is much more than skin, muscle, organs, and bones. That was only his earth-suit, his outward disguise that housed his indestructible essence for a while.
Your loved ones death is providing you with a new opening, a grand possibility to deepen your relationship with the soul you called parent, child, spouse, etc. These keys can help you awaken to a greater reality and realize that your loved one is much more than what you may have perceived. And that, my friend, is easily worth the pain and sadness.
My remarks are based on 42 years of study, training, and personal and professional experience. A vast amount of clinical, scientific, and empirical evidence supports much of what I say, but not all of it. I will share my best understandings but those change over time. You should, ultimately, decide what makes the most sense to you. To learn about this evidence: https://www.soulproof.com/documented-evidence/
As you read the next paragraph, take a few slow, deep breaths and consider these words from Sandra, a bereaved mother whose two children died. She was preparing to go to sleep one night when she heard her daughter’s voice from the foot of the bed: “Mom, can you see me?” Sandra replied, “I can hear you, but I can’t see you.” Her daughter responded: “Then get bigger eyes.” And that, my friends, is a huge part of our task when a loved one passes on. We need to sense more of reality than is usual detected by our human senses and remember that life and love are forever.
When a loved one dies, here’s what you should know …
- You will see them again . . . and can now. It’s been well established by many clinical and scientific studies that, when you pass on, you enjoy a glorious reunion with deceased loved ones. Many people have experienced after-death contacts while awake or dreaming, via the usual senses or more ethereal ones. How can you get bigger eyes? Pray that you will sense your loved ones presence; meditate to become quiet and peaceful so you can perceive their subtle presence; walk in nature and talk to them as though they are right there . . . because they are. For more information, read foundational article #10 on the homepage of soulproof.com To experience a facilitated after-death contact under hypnosis, visit https://www.soulproof.com/product/facilitated-after-death-contact-2/
Next, take a few moments and consider your beliefs and experience about ADCs. Do you think they are possible? Have you had one or more? Remember that “spiritual” or nonphysical experiences may seem more subtle, fleeting, and even imaginary when compared to the apparent solidity on Earth.
Now, a few more deep breaths. As soon as you can, watch Talking to Heaven, a marvelous movie based on James Van Praagh’s book. The scene with the old man dying and his reunion with beloved people and pets is especially heart-warming. It’s a very accurate portrayal of the celebration that occurs when souls complete their earth-experience and return Home again.
- Celebrate—they graduated from earth-school! Many cultures celebrate death because they know their loved one has completed earth-school. They also know about #1 so they honor the accomplishment and accept that life is never-ending, but ever-changing. This knowledge allows you to experience the sadness and pain associated with a loved one dying, and at the same time, feel joy that they graduated and are going Home. Try it! It’s similar to the bittersweet feelings when a young person graduates from high school: you’re happy they finished, but sad they will be leaving home.
What is your emotional reaction to this one? Can you imagine feeling intense pain and sadness at the same time you feel joy for your loved one who graduated? Does that sound too schizoid or impossible to you? Think back to times when you felt contradictory emotions and how you handled it. Practice makes perfect.
Breathe deeply again as you remember, for your essence knows this very well, that death is completely safe and feels great afterwards. Imagine how awful your feet would feel after walking all day in a pair of ill-fitting shoes. Now consider how wonderful it would feel to slip them off and soak your feet in a tub of warm water. That gives you an idea of how good it feels to drop the body—especially when it is aged, ill, and tired. Just one more reason to release the pain and sadness about your loved ones passing.
- They are having a wonderful experience: Unless your departed loved one was named Hitler or another apparently dastardly villain, she is having a great time. Recall your very best days while on earth —your happiest, healthiest, and most energetic—then multiply that by a million. That’s how good it feels to go back to the Really Real Place again, to enter the Light or—more accurately—to remember you are a being of energy who is an integral part of the Light now and forever. Sounds like a good deal to me. To paraphrase Gibran, ‘When your bodily limbs have died, then shall you truly dance.’
Does #3 sound too good to be true? I think that sometimes we on Earth have so many disappointments and struggles that we wait for the next bad news to arrive. I understand that. That’s why it’s so important to know the evidence that clearly shows each of us has the potential to enjoy a heavenly afterlife.
Deep breaths . . . One bereaved mother decided to heal her grief by serving others. She volunteered each week at the local soup kitchen and, each time she helped a homeless person, silently repeated her deceased son’s name and envisioned his face. She focused on happy times they spent together instead her sadness and pain.
- You can focus on LET: “L.E.T.” is an acronym for “looking forward, elation, thankful” You can choose to focus upon those emotions, in addition to grief and pain. You can look forward to seeing your departed loved one again here and in the hereafter. You can also be elated that she is in greener pastures and free of the trials and tribulations of this Earth plane. And, you can be thankful for all the wonderful times you two had together and all the great memories. So when your sadness gets too fierce, remember the acronym L.E.T., as in “Let it be.” Focusing on these positive feelings lightens your grief and helps you remember that life and love are eternal.
Think about a deep “loss” or disappointment in your life and how you could have applied the L.E.T. formula. Now consider another one. Doing this will “hardwire” your brain so you are prepared when the next difficult situation arises.
Another deep breath to center and remember, please. Rachel wrote me about the time since her son graduated from this phase of life into the next: “The past eleven months have been a time of the greatest pain, yet also the most growth I have ever experienced.” What an amazing statement. And that is how it can be for everyone! Rachel is now helping others with her mediumistic skills that burgeoned after her son’s passing. And, what’s more, he is helping her from another dimension.
- What your departed loved ones are trying to tell you. You can visit an authentic medium if you want to get specific messages from your dear ones who have changed worlds. Or you can save time and money since those in spirit share very similar messages. They want you to: be happy; know they are alive and well; not worry about them; enjoy your life on Earth; and know you will see each other again. Above all, release any guilt and self-blame for anything you did or didn’t do while they were on Earth. If you’re having trouble with that, use the Transformational Breathwork technique: https://www.soulproof.com/product/transformational-breath-work/ This will also help . . . watch the scene from the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons that beautifully depicts all the details that had to coincide for Daisy to be injured. Same way when your loved one transitioned. God didn’t cause it and neither did you. Each soul passes on at the right time and way even though it doesn’t seem that way at times.
If you are feeling any guilt or self-blame about any big changes around you, do yourself and our planet a favor . . . release it. Those lower energy emotions can thwart surfacing of more empowered and positive ones. Try the breathwork!
It’s time for . . . you guessed it: a few deep breaths. Release any fears and worries about living or dying. Internalize the great news that we each are forever beings right now. We each are one with the One and part of Source Energy right now. Not maybe, someday, if you live a good life or believe a certain way. Death is just a door into the next page of life’s never-ending saga.
- Death is an important part of life: We all have wondered, “Why do we have to die? Why can’t everyone just live forever?” The answer is simple: we don’t really die, but we do change outward form. And change looks like a scary end of existence to those who only view life with the five senses. Also, imagine how boring and stifling a constant sameness would be. Here’s one way to do this: think of your very favorite movie and ask yourself, “Would you want to watch it every day for eternity?” Of course not. Well, it’s the same way with life. Souls love variety, expansion, and adventure—not safe stagnation. Life is designed to include perpetual change. It’s a great setup when you release fear and realize there’s a rhyme and reason to it all.
Have you ever found yourself wishing you could freeze time? It’s a natural thought, especially when everything finally seems optimal for you. But a little contemplation about this will help you realize how bad of a plan that would be. If you need more proof, watch the movie Groundhog Day over and over . . .
Another deep breath, please. Three of Marla’s children died. She wrote me with details of how and when they transitioned, then said, “At this time, I have just one question.” I expected an angry diatribe about what kind of God—if any such entity really exists—could allow this to happen. But, instead, she asked, “How can I help others who have gone through the death of their child?” She is now leading a Helping Parents Heal group in Tampa. This is a beautiful demonstration of how we can always choose to take a high-road, positive response to life.
- Use and share their gifts: Various cultures believe that when a loved one dies, he sends a spiritual gift to you. Many people have noticed a marked change in their personality or energy after a beloved one passes on. It’s impossible to know others well without receiving gifts from them. We are energetic beings living in an energy Universe. Your interactions resulted in a literal exchange of physical molecules and energy patterns. Just imagine the transfer of love, ideas and inspiration that can occur when they graduate from earth-school. Use those gifts to lighten your grief and better yourself and the world.
Key #7 is an especially important one to go deeper with. Think back to the passing of a loved one. In hindsight, can you identify ways in which you became better? Did you seem to inherit one or more positive attributes that you admired in them?
Three final slow deep breaths. Years ago, my first patient of the day came in looking haggard and tired. I knew something was wrong with elderly Roberta and asked what was going on. She said, “Oh, my husband died.” Over the years, we had talked about my work in the field of afterlife studies. I gave my condolences and asked, “When did he die?” “Just four hours ago” she replied. “Roberta, we like our patients to keep their appointments, but certainly would understand you missing this one.” “That’s what all my family said,” she said. “But I told them that, at a time like this, there wasn’t anyone I would rather be around than Dr. Pitstick.”
- Lean on others. Just like the classic song by Bill Withers says, we need to lean on each other at times. Even though they are in extreme pain and grief, some people feel that they “don’t want to bother others.” You’ll be surprised by how many people are glad and even honored to help. When you get back on your feet, you can ‘pay it forward’ and assist someone else. It’s a simple but elegant model for following the Golden Rule and enjoying heaven on Earth. Many fine churches and organizations exist to help those who need it. My personal favorites include Unity, Religious Science, Science of Mind, Unitarian-Universalist, and United Church of Christ (UCC). Find where your kindred spirits congregate and try the lean.
Finally, when a loved one dies, take stock of your family, friends, co-workers, and holistic care givers (doctors, counselors, ministers, etc.) Do you have an extended network of loving and supportive people? If so, great job! If not, how can you expand your support team?
I hope you feel more peaceful, joyful, and clear as you remember the big picture. Be gentle and patient with yourself as you grieve the crossing over of a dear one. And, as you grieve, choose to maintain a broader perspective as described above. Doing so will lighten your grief and enlighten you and our world.
Visit Mark’s website www.soulproof.com for free articles, radio interviews, newsletters, and special report. The Soul Proof book, movie, and transformational CDs can help you better handle all of life’s challenges—no matter what is going on around you.
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Disclaimer: This information is not designed to replace medical or psychological care. Dr. Pitstick’s recommendations are based on forty-five years of training and experience in hospitals, pastoral counseling settings, mental health centers, and holistic chiropractic practice. Some of his statements are supported by clinical and scientific data while others are based on empirical evidence and his best current understandings.
Mark Pitstick, MA, DC is an author, clinical psychologist, chiropractic physician, frequent media guest, and workshop facilitator. He is the director of The SoulPhone Foundation and board member of Helping Parents Heal. Mark can help you know and show — no matter what is going on around you — that your earth-experience is a totally safe, meaningful, and magnificent adventure amidst forever. Visit Soul Proof for free articles, newsletters, and radio shows with top consciousness experts. Email your toughest questions to him at firstname.lastname@example.org.