I am very sorry about the passing on of your loved one and the accompanying pain and sadness. That is one of the toughest changes a person can go through. When a child of any age transitions, you could grieve profoundly for the rest of your life. But there’s another way.
“Bereaved parents and family members” can, over time, increasingly become “shining light parents and family members.” The latter term invites you to more deeply realize that your child really is a shining light right now. He or she is enjoying unfathomable levels of love, peace, joy, enthusiasm, clarity, and much more . . . and wants you to do the same.
(NOTE: I will not use the terms ‘departed, deceased, or dead’ since those have such strongly entrenched – and, according to much contemporary evidence – erroneous meanings about the end of life. Instead, I will use more accurate terms: changed worlds, passed on, physical or bodily death / die, orcrossed over. Other more factual descriptors for what happens after physical death include: transitioned / moved to the next phase of forever, reentered the field of all possibilities, dropped the body, andgraduated from earth-school.)
Family members who choose to focus as much as possible on that great news have been able to upgrade their emotions of sadness, anger, and pain to higher energy ones such as gratitude for your time together, enthusiasm about seeing each other again, and loving service to others. Here are some steps to moving in that direction . . .
1. Remember that life is never-ending. Yes, his physical body has died, but that outer shell is much less than 1% of who and what he truly is. The rest—all the love, energy, consciousness, intelligence, spirit, light—continues on into the next phase of forever. That life ends with physical death is an optical delusion due to the limited brain and sense organs. Scientists like Gary Schwartz, Ph.D., say that—based on the collective scientific evidence—the term death and die are no longer appropriate because they signify an end. That is why I use the modifier physical or bodily with the word death.
Here’s one way to better realize how very little of reality your five senses can capture. Life is comprised, most fundamentally, of energy and information. If all that exists in our world were the height of the Empire State Building, the portion the average human can detect would only be the thickness of a coat of paint.
My Soul Proof book and documentary film – as well as the book Greater Reality Living I co-authored with Dr. Schwartz – share much clinical, scientific, and empirical evidence that you and everyone else are timeless and indestructible beings of energy / consciousness / spirit. You now have more urgency to learn about this other 99.9% of who you and your child really are. For more information, visit SoulProof.com, SoulPhone.org, and Eternea.org.
2. Know that you will see each other again – and can likely do so now. Much data strongly indicates that you will see each other again and have a wonderful reunion when you transition from earth.
What’s more, at least 75% of shining light parents and family members report one or more meaningful after-death communications (ADCs) involving the usual or subtler senses. These can occur while awake or dreaming and have been proven to be more than imagination or wishful thinking. Stay alert for unexpected encounters, unexplainable events, lucid dreams, or alterations in electrical device functioning.
To learn more, read article #28 After-Death Communications on the homepage of SoulProof.com.
To remember this great news and increase the chances of having an ADC, avoid using phrases such as “I lost my child” or “my child died.” Instead, upgrade them to “my child transitioned back Home, changed worlds, or graduated from earth school.”
After her son was killed in the Iraq war, Sarah began having vivid dreams of visiting with him. She also could see him from her peripheral vision, but saw nothing when she turned to see more clearly. Sarah knew nothing about ADCs and thought she was losing her mind. A friend loaned her my Soul Proof book; Sarah was greatly comforted after learning that her experiences could be visits from her son.
To facilitate sensing your child’s presence, read article #9 12 Keys to Visiting with Your “Departed” Loved Ones. You can also use the Facilitated After-Death Contact session to increase the likelihood of perceiving them now. Finally, scientific technology is being developed that will quite probably allow spirit communication. To learn more, visit SoulPhone.org. Dr. Gary Schwartz, lead researcher at the University of Arizona’s Laboratory for Advancements in Consciousness and Health, now estimates there to be a 99% chance of a reliably working SoulSwitch device as early as 2018.
3. Realize your child was likely an evolved or “old” soul. Souls, whether housed in five or ninety-five year-old bodies, change worlds when they have completed their earthly missions. Your child may have been young in earth-years, but ancient in soul-time. Children sometimes leave clues that their time on earth will be short. For example, they usually are more loving and compassionate than most children their age. One young man was a varsity athlete, homecoming king, and president of his class. Even so, he befriended other students who were “geeks, learning disabled, and not-at-all popular.”
Others who pass on at a young age have a sense of urgency to experience all they can on this planet while they can. They may draw pictures of themselves flying up into the sky and being greeted by angels. Many parents have reported that their children seemed to look through them at times and seemed like an old soul. Not long before graduating, some children ask if their parents will be OK after they – the children – die. When I go through this list with shining light parent and family members, nearly everyone in the room shakes their head affirmatively.
4. Know that this earth-experience is very transient. When you are deeply grieving, a day can seem like a year. That’s why it’s important to put things in perspective by taking a big picture view of how long you suffer and whether it is worth the huge potential benefits.
The human brain can’t conceive of there being no limit to time—no beginning and no end—but the following Hindu analogy helps. Imagine a solid granite mountain six miles high, six miles wide, and six miles long. Every one hundred years, a dove with a silk scarf in its beak flies over and lightly brushes the top. Consider how long it would require for that process to wear the mountain completely flat. Well that, my friends, is just the first day of never-ending forever.
On the other hand, your time in earth-school is so short. Empirical evidence indicates that even ninety-years on Earth is relatively very brief – about the time it takes to play a hand of poker. Another metaphor is gained by watching waves crash against huge rocks. Notice how long the individual droplets hang in the air, then drop back into the oceanic oneness. Compared to eternity, that’s about how long your earth-experience lasts. Relatively speaking, just a blink of an eye.
Think of all the growth and service that has already come from the physical death of your child. And there’s much more to come. Is your very transient suffering worth it when you consider all the points in this article?
5. Create meaning for your departed loved ones life. One way to find a more peaceful and joyous flow of life is to honor your child’s life in some way. Some shining light parents and family members help the needy in their child’s name while others start foundations or scholarships. Some help start a Helping Parents Heal (HPH) group HelpingParentsHeal.org
The Caring Listeners, specially trained parents with a child who transitioned from earth, help at no charge by listening and sharing their journey to healing. You can do this by phone, in person, or on Zoom / Skype.
Others work to prevent needless injuries from drunk drivers, preventable accidents, or medical treatment abuses. The Ask Your Soul technique uses deep relaxation and imagery to access your inner wisdom and create more meaning after a loved one crosses over.
One mother was still grieving deeply three years after her son’s passing and didn’t know if she was going to make it. She decided to help at the local homeless shelter: every time she handed a meal to a needy person in need, she visualized her son’s face and mentally repeated his name. It was a triple win: she transmuted her pain and suffering into more joy and peace; she helped others; and her son was, no doubt, elated.
6. Understand that God didn’t take your child away. In my twenties, I was touring the coast on my motorcycle and saw a man standing by himself at the end of a dock. Something urged me to talk with him and eventually he told me his story: “I used to be a Sunday School teacher and deacon at our church,” he said. “I believed everything they taught—hook, line, and sinker.” Then his little son died. “Now, I think it’s all a bunch of BS. I don’t believe in any God or afterlife.”
Some parents and family members understandably want nothing to do with religion or churches after their child changes worlds. Few are satisfied with the traditional platitudes such as: “It was God’s will; God works in mysterious ways; or – my personal least favorite – God wanted your daughter to be with Him.”
Avoid getting caught up in excess anger toward and confusion about past inaccurate religious teachings. Ancient personified images of God serve no one, especially when the body of your child’s soul dies. Release archaic notions about a huge bearded guy in the sky who decides when and how someone dies. Instead, expand your understanding of God / Universe / Source as the source of love, wisdom, joy, peace, creativity, energy, and information. Much evidence shows that you and everyone else are integral parts of this phenomenon right now and always. It’s a great set up when you glimpse the greater reality.
7. You are never alone and have everything you need to survive this. Much evidence indicates that you are always supported, assisted and guided. Depending on your perspective, this unseen help can be understood as a spiritual support team of angels, guides, master teachers, and soul mates. Those who prefer a more secular or scientific view may term this help as stemming from higher energies. Others envision a totally unified and interconnected Universe in which all information and energy is accessible.
Whatever your model, know that you are never alone. The movie Talking to Heaven contains one of the best depictions I’ve seen of this. Watch the film and you’ll know which scene I’m talking about.
In addition, you have everything within that you need to handle all of life’s changes and challenges with style. I know it may not seem that way at times. But that’s one reason why we, as souls, choose adversity: to dig down deep, to learn the depth of our potentials, and discover how great we really are. Having a child pass on is extremely difficult. However, at the same time, it is a new moment in which you can better understand who you are and Who walks beside you always.
8. Be aware that your child’s passing can help you and others grow and learn. The old saying “That which does not kill me can make me stronger” is absolutely true. Just imagine how wise, loving, and compassionate you now might become after struggling, searching, and serving. The physical death of your child’s earthly form can awaken you to the vastness of life that usually escapes the five senses. It can trigger a spiritually transformative experience (STE) so the rest of your time on Earth is a much greater joy for you and blessing to others.
After a child transitions, some family members numb themselves with alcohol, illegal drugs, and / or drugs. Others try to stay so busy that they don’t have time to think about the seeming tragedy. While these approaches might help in the early stages of grieving, they aren’t good long term strategies. Creating meaning (see #5) and transforming via the STE are better solutions.
You can learn how to move forward despite adversity from my book The Eleven Questions. Those answers, and your own, can strengthen your spiritual muscles and help you remember who you really are and why you’re here.
I received an email from Marla who had three children pass on. She shared details of how and when each one passed on and then wrote, “And now I have just one question.” I expected an angry inquiry about how a God could allow such a thing or how horrible our world is. Instead, she asked: “How can I help others who have gone through this pain?” I was so inspired that I arranged a meeting with her. She is now co-leading a HPH group in Tampa. Hers is a perfect example of how adversity can help you grow and learn and help others do the same.
9. Take optimal care of yourself. The end of a loved one’s earthly vehicle is a huge stressor to the body and mind, especially if you are already out of balance due to post-pregnancy nutritional deficiencies, poor health, or chronic stress. As discussed in my book Radiant Wellness, you can begin getting well again by using basic self-care steps.
Top recommendations include proper rest, exercise, real food diet, whole food supplements, yoga, meditation, prayer, and time in nature. Other centering practices that may help include reading, inspirational movies, gardening, service to others, enlightened church / spirituality groups, and playing with pets. Holistic Breathing is an especially powerful way to release painful wounds and remember this earthly experience is a totally safe, meaningful, and magnificent adventure amidst eternity.
Don’t be over-whelmed by all the possibilities; start with a few simple ones. Soon, the extra energy and other benefits will motivate you to increase your self-care practices.
These self-care and centering practices help you internalize the great news that life and love are forever. It’s one thing to read, talk about, and believe the afterlife evidence intellectually. That is important. However, it’s even more transformative when you transfer that knowledge from your head to your heart and really know that it’s all good, it’s all God.
10. Realize that physical death is a ticket back Home. How can a soul transition back to the really real place except by what, from a limited human perspective, appears to be a tragedy? Fatal illnesses or accidents, murder, and suicide are how a soul turns the page of life’s never-ending saga when it doesn’t have to be or want to be on earth for many years. For further information, read article #4 When a Loved One Dies by Suicide, and #27 When Your Child Is Murdered.
Whatever the means of passing, your loved one’s soul didn’t want to hurt or leave you. If discord between you two preceded her passing, that was just another sign of her pain and imbalance. Treasure your happy times together in the past and look forward to new ones in the future.
Elaine heard me speak at a Helping Parents Heal group and sent this note a few weeks later: “I am reading Soul Proof as I sit next to my son’s gravesite on the first anniversary of his passing. The last year has been very difficult. Today, though, I feel a sense of peace as I sit with him. I learned a term at your presentation that has helped me immensely: “He just dropped his earthly body.” I now know that what is beneath the ground is just a physical shell that he no longer needs. His soul lives on in Heaven, he is happy, and I will definitely see him again. Thank you!”
Knowing this doesn’t take away all the pain and sadness, but – as Elaine discovered – it definitely lightens it and usually speeds up recovery.
11. Consider the possibility that your soul and your child’s soul agreed to participate in this scenario. Good evidence indicates that your infinite self entered into a soul contract to be part of this painful slice of life. Why? The short answer is to assist the plan of your child’s soul so you both could grow and serve others. This brief earthly experience is very much like a play or movie. Your child’s soul needed someone to play the role of parent, grandparent, or sibling. And your soul agreed.
Your life may seem like a senseless nightmare right now. But I guarantee you that someday – and it may be sooner than you can imagine – you can understand the greater reality perspective behind all this.
Elizabeth Boisson, a co-founder of Helping Parents Heal, believes that her son Morgan’s transition was designed before this lifetime. Granted, her earthly self never would have chosen that in a million years. But her eternal aspect, and that other family members, likely chose that course of events so others could be helped. Within three days of Morgan’s passing, Elizabeth was looking for ways to assist other shining light parents and family members. That is what I call a spiritual set-up, a pre-planned tragedy with wonderful potentials.
12. Use a holistic care team. Avoid prescription drugs whenever possible because of potential negative side-effects such as homicidal and suicidal thoughts and behavior, the possibility of addiction, and delaying healthy grieving. Find a medical doctor who understands the power of natural healing and uses medications only when absolutely necessary. Use one or more of the following to tune-up your body-mind: counseling, specific chiropractic adjustments, acupuncture, massage, or homeopathy. Energy balancing work and evidential mediums are also excellent resources.
I strongly recommend a nutritional healing program such as Nutrition Response Testing or Applied Kinesiology to evaluate key organs—especially the brain and endocrine glands. The practitioner can help you strengthen imbalances with a real food diet and whole food Standard Process, MediHerb, and other supplements. Visit unsinc.info or icakusa.com to find the nearest practitioner.
Mary was considering suicide after her child crossed over and came to me for help. I discovered that her brain and adrenal glands were exhausted from the ordeal. Within weeks of being on a nutritional healing program, she was starting to smile and realizing that suicide was a poor choice. Years later during her wellness visits, we celebrate her decision to live. So do her husband and other child.
13. Know that your child wants you to be happy now. Your dear ones soul is very near and wants you to enjoy life again. She can feel your emotions and is urging you to awaken to the great news that life and love are eternal. Some parents and family members are hobbled by guilt after their child graduates from earth school. Now that you know there’s meaning behind life’s events, perhaps you can stop blaming yourself for anything you did or didn’t do or say.
Many details had to align for the timing and way your loved one transitioned. So enjoy your life fully on earth while you can. That will honor your child’s life and allow her to best experience the next phase of never-ending life.
I asked Evan if talking about his son’s passing made him feel sad. “No,” he said, “That would interfere with how much I feel his presence now.” He purposely chooses to focus on higher energy emotions such as gratitude for their time together, joy that they will see each other again, and greater meaning by serving others in his son Evan’s name. That’s a perfect example of reaching for the highest feeling thought each moment and every day. And that, my friends, is a huge key to living in the now and remaining spiritually awakened – even in the midst of life’s biggest changes and challenges.
14. Benefit from loving support and wise information. There is a time to ask for help and lean on others. Consider joining a love-based church or organization that offers spiritual wisdom, kindred spirits, and ways to serve others. Helping Parents Heal provides support, networking, enlightened perspectives, and personal transformation strategies. This group discusses the afterlife evidence and all the hope and inspiration that accompany that. I recommend attending a local group and / or the online meetings. If you feel called to start a group, contact me and we’ll walk you through the steps.
Below are answers to commonly asked questions. (Some of this information is repetitive but that will help it really sink in)
How do I know for sure that my child’s soul/essence/energy is still alive?
A vast amount of clinical, scientific, and empirical (based on firsthand experience) evidence clearly shows that physical death is not the end to life. This evidence is presented in my book and documentary film Soul Proof, and Greater Reality Living co-authored by me and Dr. Gary Schwartz. These books contain many referenced statements by leading physicians, university professors, and scientists who agree that the question of after-death survival has been fully and affirmatively answered.
Why did my dear one die so early?
It was time for their soul / essence / energy to move into the next phase of forever
Did they suffer?
Good information indicates that the soul/consciousness detaches when death is imminent. As such, pain and fear doesn’t register as much as some think. Medically, we call it physiological shock. From a spiritual/greater reality perspective, even though the physical body may have looked afraid and in pain, the other 99.999% of who and what your loved one is was watching it all impassively from above. Their soul already had one foot in the next realm and was clearly feeling all the peace, joy, love, and enthusiasm therein.
Where are they now?
Consciousness / soul / life force is not restricted by space and time; they can be right next to you and, at the same time, in heaven / the void / everywhere
Are they alright?
They are much more than alright. Their dimension is characterized by joy, love, peace, gratitude, and enthusiasm. Recall your 100 best days on earth . . . your happiest, healthiest, and most energetic. Now multiple that by 1 million and you get an idea of how great they are feeling!
Are they still with me? I’m having different experiences while awake and dreaming. Could they be visiting me?
Yes, they very likely are comforting and visiting you. That may be why you perhaps can feel their presence so strongly at times, see flickering lights, have lucid dreams that seem like real visits, etc. Read this article to learn more about After-Death Contacts.
How can I communicate with them?
To learn more about this, read article #9: Twelve Keys to Visiting With Your “Departed” Loved Ones. To increase the probability of enjoying their presence, use the Facilitated After-Death Contact technique
Why is it so painful when loved one pass on?
It’s natural to miss the physical body, hugs, voice, smile, and so on. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be human. However, we each have another component, our divine / transcendental / enlightened part that death of anything except the transient outer shell is an illusion.
You now have a chance to spiritually awaken to the great news that:
a. you and everyone else are one with the One and part of Source Energy right now
b. no one really dies, just the physical body that is much less than 1% of who and what we are
c. you will see all your “dead” loved ones again
d. life and love are forever
How can I best survive the holidays?
Be prepared for the first set of holidays and anniversaries since those can be the toughest. One way to survive the suffering is to choose — moment by moment — to focus on:
A = appreciation for the time you spent together and the wonderful memories
R = realization that you definitely will see your loved one again
T = transforming yourself for the better to honor and create more meaning to his or her life
You may have noticed the first letters of these three steps spell ART. You can make your life a work of art when you move your mind/heart onto a different and higher energy subject each time you feel sad, lonely, discouraged, etc.
You now stand at a fork in life’s road. Will you mainly focus on sadness, loss, pain, etc.? Or will you instead feel gratitude for your time together, excitement about seeing each other again, and resolve to create meaning to their life? Will you look for the opportunities to better grow and serve others?
Surviving – and even thriving – after the death of a child is different for each person. Here are steps I recommend to quicken and lighten that process:
a. Read Foundational Article #1 Scientific, Clinical, and Empirical Evidence That Life Is Forever on the homepage of Soul Proof. This article provides documentation that physical death is not the end of life. To learn more, read Soul Proof and Greater Reality Living.
b. Get in touch with Helping Parents Heal. There are many chapters in the U.S. and abroad and online meetings for those who don’t have a group yet in their area. You can talk with The Caring Listeners, specially trained bereaved parents, by phone, in person, or on Zoom/Skype at no charge.
c. Read article #2 When a Child Changes Worlds to learn important keys to remember
d. Use Holistic Breathing to release pain, hopelessness, guilt, anger, and other lower energy emotions that loved ones of a child usually feel.
e. Read article #12 Seven Keys to Fine-Tune Your Body/Mind to learn how to care for yourself as you recover from this shock.
f. Listen to Radio Shows in which I and other consciousness experts discuss the question, “Why do children die?”
g. Use the Ask Your Soul technique to access your inner wisdom about how to handle your changes and challenges.
When you are ready, two ways to begin continuing a very real but different relationship right with your “departed” child include:
- read and take action steps described in article #9: 12 Keys to Visiting with Your “Departed” Loved Ones
- use the Facilitated After-Death Contact session.
Over time, most people increasingly realize that their loved ones are very much alive, well, and near. They are happy, peaceful, and living fully in the here and now moment. And they want you to be the same way now.
All of this doesn’t totally remove the grief and sadness at once, but it does lighten it over time. In addition, your suffering can serve others and enlighten you. And those are the reasons souls volunteer to go through such pain: to grow, serve, remember their true nature, and expand love and peace in our world.
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Thank you for sharing this article with others who can use it. I hope this article and associated action steps will help you feel more happy, healthy, peaceful, clear, and energetic. You deserve to feel that way and the world needs your greatest gifts.
Life and love are forever. Shall we live accordingly?
Mark Pitstick, MA, DC is an author, master’s clinical psychologist, holistic chiropractic physician, frequent media guest, and webinar / workshop facilitator. He directs The Soul Phone Foundation and founded Greater Reality Living Groups. Dr. Pitstick can help you know and show– no matter what is happening to or around you – that your earthly experience is a totally safe, meaningful, and magnificent adventure amidst forever. Visit SoulProof.com for free articles, newsletters, and radio interviews with top consciousness experts.
Note: Because of his many outreaches, Dr. Pitstick can not fully answer complex questions from individuals. However, he has created resources to answer your biggest questions and provide holistic solutions for your toughest challenges.
1. Free articles, radio shows, and newsletters:
* Radio Shows (top tab of SoulProof.com) share his answers and those of top experts to life’s biggest questions: “Who am I? Why am I here? What happens after I die? Is there a God? Why is there so much suffering? Why must children die?” and others.
2. Audio Products – CDs and digital downloads – allow you to benefit from quality sessions at home for a fraction of the cost of an office visit.
Twelve Transformational Audio Products use deep relaxation / hypnosis, visualization, breath work, and other techniques to access your inner wisdom, visit with “departed” loved ones, release old wounds and lower energy emotions, evaluate your pre-birth planning, have past life regressions, and more.
3. Books and documentary film: these products (visit Shop) provide specific information to help you know and show that you are a forever being of consciousness / energy / spirit and how you can live accordingly.
5. Greater Reality Living Groups: Dr. Pitstick and Dr. Gary Schwartz co-founded the organization for local and online groups. For more information, visit Greater Reality Living Groups.
6. Greater Reality Living/SoulPhone Newsletters to receive updates about university-based experiments that definitively demonstrate life continues after bodily death. Enjoy discussions about how you might live — and treat yourself and others — differently now that afterlife survival has been scientifically shown.
7. Coaching / Counseling Session: these can occur in person, by phone, or on Zoom. To learn more, visit Coaching / Counseling Session
Disclaimer: This information is not designed to replace medical or psychological care. My remarks are based on over forty-seven years of study, training, personal experience, and professional service. Extensive clinical, scientific, and empirical evidence supports much, but not all, of what I say. My current best understandings may change over time. I do not claim to have all the answers or the only answers. My hope is that this information assists you to consider what makes the most sense to you.