I am sorry about the passing of your loved one and the accompanying pain and sadness. That is one of the toughest changes a person can go through. When a child dies of any age, you could grieve profoundly for the rest of your life.
But there’s another way. Some bereaved parents and family members have been able to upgrade their emotions of sadness, anger, and pain to higher energy ones such as gratitude for their time together, enthusiasm about seeing each other again, and loving service to others.
Here are some steps to moving in that direction . . .
1. Remember that life is never-ending. Yes, his physical body has died, but that outer shell is much less than 1% of who and what he truly is. The rest—all the love, energy, consciousness, intelligence, spirit, light—continues on into the next phase of forever. “Death” is an optical illusion due to your limited brain and sense organs. Scientists like Gary Schwartz, Ph.D., say that—based on scientific evidence—the term “death” and “die” are no longer appropriate because they signify an end.
Here’s one way to better realize how very little of reality your five senses can capture. Life is comprised, most fundamentally, of energy and information. If all that exists in our world were the height of the Empire State Building, the portion the average human can detect would be only the height of a coat of paint.The Soul Proof book and movie share the collective clinical, scientific, and empirical evidence that we each are timeless and indestructible beings. You now have more urgency to learn about this other 99.9% of who you and your child really are. For more information, visit soulproof.com and www.eternea.org.
2. Know that you will see each other again. About 75% of bereaved family members have after-death contacts (ADCs) involving the usual or subtler senses. These can occur while awake or dreaming and have been proven to be more than imagination or wishful thinking. Stay alert for unexpected encounters, unexplainable events, lucid dreams, or alterations in electrical device functioning. And, you definitely will see each other again when you pass on and have a wonderful reunion.
To remember this great news and increase the chances of having an ADC, avoid using phrases such as “I lost my child” or “my child died” and upgrade them to “my child transitioned/graduated/changed worlds/dropped her body.”After her son was killed in the Iraq war, Sarah began having vivid dreams of visiting with him. She also could see him from her peripheral vision but saw nothing when she turned to see more clearly. Sarah knew nothing about ADCs and thought she was losing her mind. A friend loaned her the Soul Proof book and she was greatly comforted after learning that her experiences could really be visits from her son.
To facilitate sensing your child’s presence, read article #9 12 Keys to Visiting with Your “Departed” Loved Ones. You can also use the Facilitated After-Death Contact session to increase the likelihood of perceiving them now. Finally, scientific technology is being developed that will quite probably allow spirit communication. To learn more, visit org. Dr. Gary Schwartz, lead researcher at the University of Arizona Laboratory for Advancements in Consciousness and Health, estimates a greater than 95% chance of a reliably working in 2018.
3. Realize your child was likely an evolved or “old” soul. Souls, whether housed in five or ninety-five year-old bodies, change worlds when they have completed their earthly missions. Your child may have been young in earth-years but ancient in soul-time. Children sometimes leave clues that their time on Earth will be short: they are more loving and compassionate than most children their age. One young man was a varsity athlete, homecoming king, and most popular boy at his school. Even so, he befriended many other students were “geeks”, learning disabled, and not-at-all popular.Others who pass on at a young age have a sense of urgency to experience all they can on this planet while they can.
Those at a young age may draw pictures of themselves flying up into the sky and being greeted by angels. Many parents have reported that their “deceased” children seemed to look through them at times and seemed like an old soul. Not long before graduating from earth-school, some children ask their parents if they will be OK if the child died. When I go through this list with bereaved parent and family groups, nearly everyone in the room shakes their head affirmatively.To facilitate sensing your child’s presence, read article #9 12 Keys to Visiting with Your “Departed” Loved Ones. You can also use the Facilitated After-Death Contact session to increase the likelihood of perceiving them now.
Finally, scientific technology is being developed that will quite probably allow spirit communication. To learn more, visit org. Dr. Gary Schwartz, lead researcher at the University of Arizona Laboratory for Advancements in Consciousness and Health, estimates a 90 – 95% chance of a reliably working SoulSwitch device within about one year after funding
4. Know that eternal beings like variety. The human brain can’t conceive of there being no limit to time—no beginning and no end—but the following Hindu analogy helps. Imagine a solid granite mountain six miles high, six miles wide, and six miles long. Every one hundred years, a dove with a silk scarf in its beak flies over and lightly brushes the top. Consider how long it would require for that process to wear the mountain completely flat. Well that, my friends, is just the first day of never-ending forever.It makes perfect sense that souls, as eternal beings, enjoy great variety in life.
Humans usually want everything to be safe, easy, and comfortable. However, none of these are a priority to souls. Higher selves know they are forever beings. They know, without a doubt, that they are integral parts of Source Energy now and forevermore. Further, they know that they never really “die” and they couldn’t “lose” their dear ones if they tried. And, so, they volunteer to have experiences—being paralyzed, molested, killed, or having a child die—that seem horrible from a limited human perspective.Why?
When I was ten years old, our minister was talking about someday being in heaven – walking on golden streets and playing golden harps. Even at that young age, I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t that get old after a while?” Just as earthlings enjoy a variety of books, movies, and vacation spots, nonphysical beings enjoy different time-space experiences. When suffering under the illusion of spiritual amnesia, those may appear to be sad, lonely, fearful, and depressing. From the viewpoint of an enlightened being, however, they are just ways to grow, enjoy, serve, have adventures, and expand the breadth and depth of One Mind.
5. Create meaning for your departed loved ones life. One way to re-enter a more peaceful and joyous flow of life is to honor your child’s life in some way. Some parents help the needy in their child’s name while others start foundations or scholarships. Some help start a Helping Parents Heal group helpingparentsheal.info. Others work to prevent needless injuries from drunk drivers, preventable accidents, or medical treatment abuses.
The Ask Your Soul technique uses hypnosis to access your inner wisdom and create more meaning after a loved one crosses over.One mother was still grieving deeply three years after her son’s passing. She decided to help at the local homeless shelter. Every time she handed a meal to a person in need, she would visualize her son’s face and mentally repeat his name. It was a triple win: she transmuted her pain and suffering into more joy and peace; she helped others; and her son was, no doubt, elated.
6. Understand that God didn’t take your child away. In my twenties, I was touring the coast on my motorcycle and saw a man standing by himself at the end of a dock. Something urged me to talk with him and eventually he told me his story: “I used to be a Sunday School teacher and deacon at our church,” he said. “I believed everything they taught—hook, line, and sinker.” Then his little son died. “Now, I think it’s all a bunch of BS. I don’t believe in any God or afterlife.”Some parents understandably want nothing to do with religion or churches after their child “dies.” Few are satisfied with the traditional platitudes, “It was God’s will; God works in mysterious ways; or (my personal least favorite) God wanted your daughter to be with Him.”
Avoid getting caught up in excess anger toward and confusion about past inaccurate religious teachings. Ancient and personified images of God serve no one, especially when your child changes worlds. Release archaic notions about a huge bearded guy in the sky who decides when and how someone dies. Instead, expand your understanding of God/Universe/Source as the net sum of love, wisdom, creativity, energy, and information. Much evidence shows that you and everyone else are integral parts of this phenomenon right now and always. It’s a great set up when you glimpse the big picture.
7. You are never alone and have everything you need. Much evidence indicates that we are always supported, assisted and guided. Depending on your perspective, this “unseen” help can be understood as a spiritual support team of angels, guides, master teachers, and soul mates. Humanists or physical materialists may view this help as stemming from others who are there to serve. Others envision a totally unified and interconnected Universe with all information and energy available for our greatest good.Whatever your model, know that you are never alone. The movie “Talking to Heaven” contains one of the best depictions I’ve seen of this. Watch the film and you’ll know which scenes I’m talking about.
In addition, you have everything you need to handle all of life’s changes and challenges with style. I know it may not seem that way at times. But that’s one reason why we, as souls, choose adversity: to dig down deep, to learn the depth of our potentials, and discover how great we really are. Having a child die seemingly prematurely is very difficult. However, at the same time, it is also a new moment in which you can better understand who you are and Who walks beside/within you always and in all ways.
8. Be aware that your child’s passing helps you and others grow and learn. The old saying “That which does not kill me can make me stronger” is absolutely true. Just imagine how wise, loving, and compassionate you can become after struggling with such pain. The physical death of a child—much like near-death experiences—can awaken you to the vastness of life that usually escapes the five senses. It can trigger a spiritually transformative experience so that the rest of your time on Earth is a much greater joy for you and blessing to others.
Instead of becoming comfortably numb or settling for superficiality, you will be more motivated to find sensible answers to life’s toughest questions such as those in The Eleven Questions. Those answers, and your own, can strengthen your spiritual muscles and help you remember who you really are and why you’re here.I received an email from Marla who had three children “die.” She shared details of how and when each one passed on and then wrote, “And now I have just one question.” I expected an angry inquiry about how God could allow such a thing or how horrible our world is. Instead, she asked: “How can I help others who have gone through this pain?” I was so inspired that I arranged a meeting with her. She is now co-leading a HPH group in Tampa. Hers is a perfect example of how adversity can help you grow and learn and help others do the same.
9. Take optimal care of yourself. The “death” of a loved one’s earthly vehicle is a huge stressor to the body and mind, especially if you are already out of balance due to post-pregnancy nutritional deficiencies, poor health, or chronic stress. As discussed in my book Radiant Wellness, you can begin getting well again by using basic self-care steps. Top recommendations include proper rest, exercise, healthy diet, whole food supplements, yoga, meditation, prayer, time in nature, reading, good movies, gardening, service to others, enlightened church/spirituality groups, and playing with pets.
Transformational Breathwork is an especially powerful way to release painful wounds and remember that this earth-experience is a totally safe, meaningful, and magnificent adventure amidst eternity. Don’t be over-whelmed by the possibilities; start with a few simple ones like walking, drinking more pure water, and taking ten slow deep breaths a few times a day. The extra energy will motivate you to increase your self-care practices.These self-care and centering practices help you internalize the great news that life and love are forever. It’s one thing to read, talk about, and believe the afterlife evidence intellectually. That is important. However, it’s even more powerfully transformative when you transfer that knowledge from your head to your heart and really know that it’s all good, it’s all God.
10. Realize that “death” is a ticket back Home. How can a soul transition back to “The Really Real Place” except by what, from a limited human perspective, appears to be a tragedy? Murders, suicides, and fatal illnesses or accidents are how a soul turns the page of life’s never-ending saga. The inner self almost always decides when physical death is timely, even during some suicides. For further discussion about suicide, read When a Loved One Dies by Suicide: What You Must Know. Whatever the means of passing, your loved one’s soul didn’t want to hurt or leave you.
If discord between you two preceded her passing, that was just another sign of her pain and imbalance. Treasure your happy times together in the past and look forward to new ones in the future.Elaine heard me speak at a Helping Parents Heal group and sent this note a few weeks later: “I am reading Soul Proof as I sit next to my son’s gravesite on the first anniversary of his passing. The last year has been very difficult. Today, though, I feel a sense of peace as I sit with him. I learned a term at your presentation that has helped me immensely: “He just dropped his earthly body.” I now know that what is beneath the ground is just a physical shell that he no longer needs. His soul lives on in Heaven, he is happy, and I will definitely see him again. Thank you!” Knowing this doesn’t take away all the pain and sadness, but—as Elaine experienced—it does lighten it.
11. Consider the possibility that you and your child agreed, on a soul level, to participate in this scenario. Good evidence indicates that your infinite self entered into a soul contract to be part of this painful slice of life. Why? The short answer: to assist the plan of your child’s soul so you both could grow and serve others. This earth-experience is very much like a play or movie; your child needed someone to play the role of parent, grandparent, or sibling and you agreed. Your life may seem like a senseless nightmare right now, but I guarantee that someday—and you don’t have to wait until you die—you can see the big picture and understand the cosmic view behind all this.
Elizabeth Boisson, a co-founder of Helping Parents Heal, believes that her son Morgan’s transition was designed before this lifetime. Her earthly part never would have chosen that in a million years. But her inner divinity, and that of him and other family members, chose that course of events so others could be helped. Within three days of Morgan’s passing, Elizabeth was looking for ways to assist others who had “lost” a child. That is a sure sign of what I call “a spiritual set-up” – a pre-planned tragedy with wonderful potentials.
12. Use a holistic care team. Avoid prescription drugs whenever possible because of negative side-effects, potential for addiction, and the possible delay of healthy grieving. Find a medical doctor who understands the power of natural healing and uses medications only when absolutely necessary. Use one or more of the following to tune-up your body-mind: counseling, specific chiropractic adjustments, acupuncture, massage, or homeopathy. Energy balancing work and authentic mediums are also excellent resources.
I strongly recommend Nutrition Response Testing or NRT to evaluate key organs—especially the brain and endocrine glands— and how to strengthen those with a real food diet and whole food Standard Process Visit www.unsinc.info to find the nearest practitioner.Mary was considering suicide after her child “died” and came to me for help. I discovered that her brain and adrenal glands were exhausted from the ordeal. Within weeks of being on the NRT program, she was starting to smile and realizing that suicide was a poor choice. Years later during her wellness visits, we celebrate her decision to live. So do her husband and other child.
13. Know that your “departed” child wants you to be happy now. Your dear ones soul is very near and wants you to enjoy life again. She can feel your emotions and is urging you to awaken to the great news that life and love are eternal. Some parents are hobbled by guilt after their child “dies.” Now that you know there’s an unseen purpose behind all life’s events, perhaps you can stop blaming yourself for anything you did or didn’t do or say. Many details had to align for the timing and way your loved one transitioned. So enjoy your life fully on earth while you can. That will honor your child’s life and allow her to best experience the next phase of never-ending life.
I asked Evan if talking about his son’s transition made him feel sad. “No,” he said, “That would only interfere with how much I feel his presence now.” He purposely chooses to focus on higher energy emotions such as gratitude for their time together, joy that they will see each other again, and greater meaning by serving others in his son Evan’s name. That’s a perfect example of reaching for the highest feeling thought each moment and every day. And that, my friends, is a huge key to living in the now and remaining spiritually awakened even in the midst of life’s biggest changes and challenges.
14. Benefit from loving support and wise information. This is the time to ask for help and lean on others. Consider joining a love, not fear, based church or organization that offers spiritual wisdom, loving fellowship, and ways to serve others. Helping Parents Heal provides support, networking, enlightened perspective, and personal transformation strategies. I recommend attending one in your area. If there’s not one nearby, contact me and we’ll walk you through the simple steps of starting one. It discusses the afterlife evidence and all the hope and inspiration that accompany it.I’ve posted a series of articles that can help you survive and even thrive through this and other life challenges. These Foundational Articles for Healing and Transforming are posted on the www.soulproof.com home page.
So, here you are at an important fork in your life’s road. Will you look for the silver linings to this cloud and thereby bless yourself and others? Only you can choose how you will react to this difficult time. The old saying, “Two men looked through prison bars. One saw mud, the other stars,” reminds you that you can choose your perspective. I hope this information helps you to heal and transform yourself, others, and our world for the better. And, as always, let me know how I can help.
Life and love are forever. Shall we live accordingly?
Mark Pitstick, MA, DC is an author, master’s clinical psychologist, holistic chiropractic physician, frequent media guest, and workshop facilitator. He also trained in pastoral counseling and suicide prevention. Mark is Director of The SoulPhone Foundation and board member of Helping Parents Heal. To learn more, visit About Dr. Mark Pitstick.
Because of his many outreaches, Dr. Pitstick can no longer answer individual questions. However, he has created many free resources to answer your biggest questions and assist your toughest challenges. Articles for Transformation and Healing (on lower left home page of SoulProof.com) address the most common concerns about life, death, and afterlife. Radio Shows (top tab) share his answers and those of top experts to life’s biggest questions.
If you would like additional resources, Dr. Pitstick’s Transformational Audio Products provide quality sessions that you can use at home for a fraction of the cost of an office visit. These allow you to access your inner wisdom, visit with “departed” loved ones, release old wounds and lower energy emotions, evaluate pre-birth planning, have past life regressions, and more.
His three books and documentary film (visit Shop) provide specific information to help you know and show that you are an eternal being of consciousness/energy/ spirit and how you can live accordingly. To learn about his webinars, workshops and other updates, register for free email newsletters at SoulProof.com.
Finally, Dr. Pitstick is available on a limited basis for a one-on-one Coaching/Counseling Session in person, by phone, or on Zoom.
Disclaimer: This information is not designed to replace medical or psychological care. Dr. Pitstick’s recommendations are based on forty-five years of training and experience in hospitals, pastoral counseling settings, mental health centers, and holistic chiropractic practice. Some of his statements are supported by clinical and scientific data while others are based on empirical evidence and his best current understandings.