by Mark Pitstick, MA, DC
Many people have been mentally, physically, and/or sexually abused. This article shares how you can survive, heal, and even transform yourself for the better.
In a perfect world, no one would be abused. However, as you may have noticed, earth is not a place of complete balance and harmony. The question is: do you want to perpetuate the same lower energy emotions that created the abuse, or rise above it and take a higher path?
No matter what you have endured being abused, you can always choose the high road.
After working with some abusers and many abused persons, I have gained insights into the causes and solutions. One family in particular provided deep understandings. I have altered their names and details of their story to preserve confidentiality for the surviving family members. Jeff and Justine were the parents; Alice, Lucy, and Trey were the three children.
As a child, Jeff was mentally and physically abused by his alcoholic father. His parents divorced when he was eight years old and, in the midst of the depression, his mother couldn’t afford to raise both her children. She sent Jeff to an orphanage where he received additional mental and physical abuse. In addition, he may have been sexually abused. (Although he denied it, his future actions fit the profile.) An aunt and uncle took Jeff into their home when he was a teenager but, after adding more abuse, sent him back to the orphanage.
Justine’s mother was mentally ill. It wasn’t diagnosed in those days and her overly punitive actions were seen by some as stern but fair parental upbringing. But it was mental and physical abuse. Her father was a very strict and largely absent. Justine denied being sexually abused but, as with Jeff, it was quite likely.
In their post-abuse and resultant imbalanced state, Jeff and Justine met and ‘fell in love.’ They really couldn’t know what love was but, like all people, were trying to find love, acceptance, and happiness. Over time, they had three children, decent jobs, and a nice house. They were trying to create the stable and happy family that they didn’t have as children.
However, as you might guess, eventually Jeff and Justine’s unhealed abusive upbringing began to show through. All three children describe being mentally, physically, and sexually abused. The parents may have believed they were not sparing the rod and spoiling the child. But holding a gun to one child’s head, making the other children watch, and taking photos is obviously a sign of serious mental imbalance.
In 2019, the abuse would probably have been discovered and the parents would have gone to prison. But this was in the 1950’s and that didn’t happen.
Each child tried, as best he or she could, to survive:
- Trey moved far away after graduating from high school. His valedictorian speech focused on how those who hurt you can become your most important teachers. He cut off all ties with his parents and never spoke to them again. He didn’t visit when they were dying and he didn’t attend their funerals. Certainly no one could blame him for that. Leaving the past behind was his way of copingwith the horrible abuse.
- Lucy married at a young age and focused on creating the happy family she never had. She succeeded admirably and has a good marriage, four well-adjusted children, and wonderful grandchildren. However, Lucy suffers with anxiety, numerous health problems with at least psychological causes, and an inability to love herself. She kept in touch with her parents some and hoped they would eventually apologize and express love, but they never did. Staying very busy and keeping things inside was her way of coping.
- Alice became a health care provider and mother of two. Like Lucy, she sought to create the loving family that wasn’t there as a child. In addition, however, Alice sought counseling, energy work, release techniques, and other natural healing modalities so the abuse didn’t define who she was. As a result, she was able to be more compassionate as her parents became older and died. She knew that forgiveness would benefit her. She worked hard to focus healing the past and optimizing the future. Because of this, Alice avoided sublimating her feelings, being perpetually angry, or seeing herself as a victim. She coped in all these impressive ways.
As a psychologist and holistic physician who knew each family member, I found the dynamics to be fascinating. As Jeff and Justine became older, they professed to completely ‘forget’ their horrific actions when the children were young. They wondered why their children and grandchildren rarely visited or called. As a result, their life became empty shells and they sought to fill the void with traveling. Others who met them thought they were normal and sweet people. But their children knew they were monsters who could be like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
After Jeff and Justine’s physical bodies died, the children had an opportunity to heal even more deeply, leave the past behind, and look for the blessings. The jury is still out on how that will turn out.
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If you have been abused, the following holistic keys can help you survive, heal, and transform.
1. Don’t blame yourself. It’s quite common for abused people to feel responsible even though they were little children at the time. Abused children and wives – the most common victims – often assume they were to blame somehow. Whenever you become aware of self-critical thoughts, gently say: “It wasn’t my fault and I didn’t deserve it, but I do deserve to be happy and healthy.”
2. Seek help from health care professionalssince having a holistic team is very useful in releasing old wounds and healing. Abuse is so common; your health care providers will not blame or judge you. I recommend that your team include two or more of the following:
a. Counselor from mental health professional and/or pastoral counselor
b. Doctor of chiropracticsince physical and emotional abuse can lodge in your muscles, spine, and skeleton. Misaligned bones and chronically spasmed muscles can also cause nerve pressure that contributes to many symptoms such as insomnia, anxiety, and depression. Some chiropractic physicians are trained in emotional release techniques such as Neuro-Emotional Technique (NET).
c. Licensed acupuncturist: traditional Chinese medicine recognizes stuck / stagnant energy (chi) from all forms of abuse. This millennia old approach is invaluable.
d. Nutrition-based practitioner who helps organs and systems rebalance via a real food diet, detox programs, whole food supplement, and herbs. To learn more, see article #32 at SoulProof.com. Visit www.unsinc.infoor www.icakusa.comto find a well-trained professional near you.
e. Massage therapistwho uses deep tissue techniques and understands that you may have an emotional release on the table.
f. Integrative medical doctorwho honors your strong preference to not take mind-numbing and potentially harmful drugs.
3. Ask for spiritual healing: pray for help from the Source, angels, guides, or whatever terms you prefer for higher energy assistants / assistance. Seek and you shall find . . .
4. Release old pain and suffering: my Holistic Breathing Technique allows you to rid yourself of stuck energy and limiting / erroneous ways of thinking and behaving.
5. Care for your temple. The past abuse has likely thrown off your body and brain in subtle or major ways. Optimal self care can, over time, reverse those negative effects and help you feel happy, energetic, and healthy – perhaps for the first time. The information and strategies involved cannot be covered in a short article. To learn more, read article #26 at SoulProof.com and see my book Radiant Wellness.
6. Lean on others. Share your challenges with trusted family and friends. You don’t have to go through life with a deep dark secret. Kindred spirits can help you immeasurably.
7. Don’t worry about the abuser receiving justice. The universe is exquisitely designed and operates at a higher level of fairness than we can fathom. Don’t waste any energy wishing torment for your abuser; he or she was obviously imbalance and will go through future experiences to learn that we should never mistreat anyone.
8. Look at life’s big picture. Horrible events like abuse contain the power to awaken you to who you are and why you are here. Spiritually transformative experiences are often triggered by near-death experiences, violent encounters, and other unpleasant but potentially life-changing events. Your abuser may actually be a contrast soul, that is, a soulmate who – out of love – took on a dark guise to help you in ways not possible with an easy life. To learn more about why you may chosen the possibility of this abuse, see article #25 Pre-Birth Planningat SoulProof.com.
9. Forgive and forget. As illustrated by the history of Jeff and Justine, abusers were often abused when they were young. As a result, they consider it normal or somehow justifiable. As with Alice, you benefit the most when you forgive and let it be. You can choose to take the high road with this; everyone you meet will benefit from your upgraded consciousness and love. See article #40 at SoulProof.com to learn about the Love, Acceptance, and Forgiveness Technique.
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Thank you for sharing this article with others who can use it. I hope this article – and taking the action steps discussed – help you feel more happy, healthy, peaceful, clear, and energetic. You deserve to feel that way and the world needs your greatest gifts.
Peace, love, and blessings,
Mark
Mark Pitstick, MA, DC is an author, master’s clinical psychologist, holistic chiropractic physician, frequent media guest, and workshop facilitator. He is director of The Soul Phone Foundation, founder of Greater Reality Living Groups,and board member of Helping Parents Heal. Dr. Pitstick can help you know and show– no matter what is going on around you – that your earthly experience is a totally safe, meaningful, and magnificent adventure amidst forever. Visit About Dr. Mark Pitstickfor his full bio.
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Disclaimer:This information is not designed to replace medical or psychological care. My remarks are based on over forty-five years of study, training, personal experience, and professional service. Extensive clinical, scientific, and empirical evidence supports much, but not all, of what I say. My current best understandings may change over time. I do not claim to have all the answers or the only answers. My hope is that this information assists you to consider what makes the most sense to you.
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