Family and friends of those who die by suicide are so deeply devastated. They worry about the soul of their loved one who ended his or her earth-experience.
They feel guilty about what they could have or shouldn’t have done or said to prevent it. Their grief is amplified by the fear that they may never see their loved one again because she will burn in hell or cease to exist. Conscious language is vital whenever discussing an important topic. I avoid the terms “killed himself” and “took her own life” because those aren’t accurate descriptions of what really happens.
Ones self cannot be destroyed and life is forever. I use “ended his earth-experience” or “extinguished her physical body.” Fear-based religions may teach that this action is a sure ticket to a fiery eternal hell. However, much contemporary evidence shows that no such place exists and that everyone can enter the Light after dying—even those who extinguish their physical body.
This evidence includes input from documented near-death experiences, after-death contacts, authentic mediums, spiritual regressions, wise and enlightened spiritual teachings, and common sense.
Most views about suicide have been shaped by near-sighted religious teachings that don’t take into account holistic factors that can affect the brain.
While hiking in the mountains, nineteen year-old “Bruce” breathed in polluted air that shifted out of the Phoenix valley. He died from a severe lung reaction. The combination of deep breathing with exertion, intense pollution, and perhaps preexisting asthma killed him.
“Tom” was a three varsity sport athlete and president of his high school class. He was well liked, loved his family, and was as happy a young man as you’ll meet. Tom had acne and his medical doctor prescribed a commonly prescribed drug that would help clear up his complexion. What the doctor didn’t tell him and his mom was that one of the many potential side-effects included suicidal ideation and behavior. Tom shot him self in the head several months after starting the drug.
Diagnosed as being bipolar, “Larry” tried to self-medicate with various illegal drugs. Marijuana, pain pills, then heroin. Each one helped for awhile, but then the inner torment returned. Larry went through rehab and his family hoped and prayed the worst was over. But a few months later during a time of stress, Larry used the same dose of drugs that he was on before rehab. He died from what was ruled an accidental overdose.
Bruce’s lungs were fatally damaged. Tom’s brains was affected so severely that he impulsively ended this earth-experience. Whether Larry’s overdose was intentional or accidental will never be known for sure.
Limited human minds are horrified by suicide. Some consider it an unforgiveable sin at worst or a moral or mental weakness at best. However, more evolved humans look more deeply – as One Mind/the Light/God certainly does – into the problem. From that viewpoint, Tom and Larry clearly had brain imbalances that led to their deaths. Their brains were negatively affected just as Bruce’s lungs were.
This discussion does not condone air pollution, harmful medications, or illegal drug use. It will, hopefully, lead to a greater understanding of and addressing core causes of common problems. Archaic religious teachings that Tom and Larry might suffer eternal hell only add to the guilt and pain of their families who surely do not need additional stress.
Here are points I hope you know if a loved one dies by suicide:
- Suicide is not an unforgiveable sin.Past religious teachings may have mentioned some unforgiveable sin. It’s a perfect control device since people project that whatever they are doing is it. But think about it. What good earthly parent would never forgive their child, no matter what the behavior? Same thing for the intelligence that created and sustains the cosmos.
- You will see her again.She didn’t destroy her entire self, just her body, the physical vehicle that housed her soul for a brief while. It’s impossible to kill ones essence, spirit, consciousness. You’ll see the real her again.That may happen when you pass on or could happen today. Over 75 million Americans have experienced an after-death contact with departed loved ones while awake or dreaming.So stay alert for subtle or unusual events.
- He won’t be judged or condemned.There is no judgment in spiritual dimensions. That is an earthly trait and one that early humans foisted upon Creator as they made Him/Her/It in a human image. Higher energy beings understand the degree of pain and/or imbalance your loved one must have felt to die from suicide. We on Earth can learn from them and do the same.
- She was lovingly attended to after her death.Spirit knows how difficult an earthly incarnation can be. Afterlife reports say that her soul will be lovingly and respectfully cared for by angels, guides and entities who look like fawns, puppies, kittens, and children.She will be surrounded with peace, under-standing, and compassion. It’s a perfect environment for starting the process of forgiving herself, if that is needed, and reentering the stream of life.
- He didn’t want to hurt you or anyone.In your life, have you ever said or done something you regretted later? Of course, we all have. Same thing with your loved one. He didn’t mean to hurt others. He did the best he could given his physical and mental state at the time. If you could hear him right now, he would apologize and make it clear that he never wanted to hurt you or anyone else. He will try to make it up to loved ones who were hurt by serving and growing in the hereafter and perhaps on Earth again someday.
- She was imbalanced or in severe pain.In the twenty-first century, there are so many ways that the brain can become imbalanced: chemicals, heavy metals, prescription and recreational drugs, vaccines, poor quality food and water, chemically-laden body care and home cleaning products. The list goes on and on. Plus, there’s the chronic stress and difficulties that go with living on planet Earth. It’s a lot to bear and some souls just can’t continue on.Let’s respond by solving the core problems so others don’t suffer and die too.
- Do not worry about his soul.From an earthly perspective, it may appear unfortunate that he extinguished his physical body.But from a cosmic viewpoint, suicide is just another way for a soul to return Home. His soul will be just fine so please don’t worry. There may be a period of rest, rehab, and healing needed for a while, but he will be lovingly attended to like the special and eternal part of life that he is.
- Do not hold yourself accountable.It’s common for loved ones to feel responsible or guilty. They torture themselves with thoughts of, “If only I had done this” or “If only I hadn’t said that.” If you could hear your departed loved one clearly, she would lovingly urge you to stop all that.“Should have, would have, could have” is not a productive habit here or in the hereafter.
- Do not be ashamed.When a loved one ends his earth-experience, some family or friends may judge or shun you. It’s a great way to erase insensitive or ignorant people from your relationship list. On the other hand, they may just be uncomfortable and not know what to say. Showing them this article is a start. It’s way past time to drop the stigma associated with suicide and remember that we are, at our core, eternal beings of love and light.
- You can learn and grow from this experience.There are always silver linings to every cloud and they’re proportionate to the degree of the tragedy. So look for the huge blessings to this one. Learning awareness practices such as meditation and prayer can help honor the death of your loved one. You can transform the pain and grief you feel into loving service to others. By taking these high roads, you create more meaning to his or her life and death.
Finally, here is what I recommend for those with a loved one who died by suicide . . .
I am very sorry for all the pain, sadness, etc. that you feel when a loved one dies by suicide. You don’t really “lose” your child who transitions to the next stage of forever . . . but it certainly seems like it.
If you’ve not “heard” from your loved one who died by suicide via an after-death contact, don’t worry. Good evidence, for example, from research by Michael Newton PhD and Joseph Gallenberger PhD, indicates that souls who ended their earth-experience by suicide usually need to rest and heal for some time after physical death. As such, they may not yet have the available energy to visit loved ones still on earth. Less than a year or two in earth-time can seem like but a blink of an eye in spirit-time.
This is a very commonly reported phenomenon so I hope you don’t continue anguishing over it. Instead, visualize your “departed” loved one as resting, healing, and being comforted in a totally supportive environment with no judgment or punishment– only peace, caring, love and light.
If you haven’t already, I recommend that you start by reading Foundational Articles #1, 2, 4, 6, and 12 on the homepage of www.soulproof.com. These articles will provide more documentation that your child is alive and well, you will see each other again, and how you can survive the initial shock and pain. Also listen to Radio Shows in which I and other experts discuss the question, “What happens to the essence/soul of those who die by suicide?”
There can be so many deep and raw emotions after a loved one dies by suicide: guilt, anger, pain, sadness, bitterness, self-blame, etc. You can start releasing and upgrading these with Holistic Breathing. This powerful technique helps you retrieve stuck energy, heal deep wounds, and better remember the big picture of Life.
Suggestions for healing and transforming include:
- read my book Soul Proof, especially the Suicide: Not An Unforgivable Sin section in the Religion & Spirituality Input chapter. This will help you know that life is forever, no matter how a person passes on.
- Are you in touch with Helping Parents Heal? www.helpingparentsheal.org. There are many chapters in the U.S. and abroad and online meetings for those who don’t have a group yet in their area. I’m on their board and write the Q & A for the excellent newsletters.
- Also consider getting in touch with Survivors of Suicide. This is the best support group I know of specifically for people with a loved one who died by suicide.
- When it’s the right time for you and your child’s spirit, two ways to feel his or her presence right now include:
a. read and take action steps described in Foundational Article #9: 12 Keys to Visiting with Your “Departed” Loved Ones
b. use the Facilitated After-Death Contact session
- Finally, I’ve created an audio product called Heal & Transform Your Suffering.
Over time, most people increasingly realize their loved ones are very much alive, well, and near. Your child truly is happy, peaceful, and living fully in the here and now moment . . . and wants you to be and do the same now.
All of this doesn’t totally remove the grief and sadness, but it does lighten it. In addition, your suffering can serve others and enlighten you. And those are the reasons souls volunteer to go through such pain: to grow, serve, remember their true nature, and expand love and peace in our world.
Please let me know how you are doing in 60 – 90 days after using these resources.
PS – Exciting new scientific technology is emerging to allow communicating with our loved ones who have changed worlds. Various SoulPhone® devices are now being researched and developed in the Laboratory for Advances in Consciousness and Health (LACH) at the University of Arizona.
Gary Schwartz, PhD, the lead researcher, estimates there is a 90 – 95% chance that the SoulSwitch, a binary indicator allowing “yes” or “no” answers to questions, will be ready in about one year after being funded. The SoulText has the same estimate of being available in approximately two years. After that, the next anticipated device is SoulAudio (like a phone), then SoulVideo (video and audio capabilities like Skype and Zoom) Please share this great potential news with others and have hope. To learn more, visit www.SoulPhone.org
Note: My products are designed to assist your journey of healing and transformation. If you need a product, but cannot afford it, we will send you a digital copy at no charge.
Disclaimer: This information is not designed to replace medical or psychological care. Dr. Pitstick’s recommendations are based on over forty years of training and experience in hospitals, pastoral counseling settings, mental health centers, and holistic chiropractic practice. Some of his statements are supported by clinical and scientific data while others are based on empirical evidence and his best current understandings.
Mark Pitstick, MA, DC is an author, clinical psychologist, chiropractic physician, frequent media guest, and workshop facilitator. He is Director of The SoulPhone Foundation, International Vice-President of Eternea, and board member of Helping Parents Heal. Mark can help you know and show — no matter what is going on around you — that your earth-experience is a totally safe, meaningful, and magnificent adventure amidst forever. Visit Soul Proof for free articles, newsletters, and radio shows with top consciousness experts. Email your toughest questions to him at email@example.com.