Watching the body of a loved one go through the process of dying can be difficult.
You may feel helpless about not being able to do something about it. You may feel angry toward your loved one, the health care team, or God about what is happening. There may be several conflicting emotions at the same time. For example, you may feel very sad that she is dying and, simultaneously, happy that her suffering is coming to an end.
Hopefully, you deeply know that what is dying is only a very small part of who and what your beloved family, friend, or pet is. And that knowledge can make all the difference in how fully and quickly you reach acceptance and healing when a loved one changes worlds.
(NOTE: I will not use the terms ‘departed, deceased, or dead’ since those have such strongly entrenched – and, according to much contemporary evidence – erroneous meanings about the end of life. Instead, I will use more accurate terms: changed worlds, passed on, physical or bodily death / die, orcrossed over. Other more factual descriptors for what happens after physical death include: transitioned / moved to the next phase of forever, reentered the field of all possibilities, dropped the body, andgraduated from earth-school.)
The dying process can be a powerfully transformative time for you, your family, and the person who is transitioning. Much growth and many blessings await those who consciously experiencelife’s biggest change. Here are eleven points to consider:
- Death is not an end. Much documented clinical, scientific, and empirical evidence strongly indicates that life does not end when the physical body dies. The Soul Proofbook and documentary film and Greater Reality Livingbook share this convincing evidence. The physical body is much less than 1% of who and what your dying loved one really is. The rest—all the energy, consciousness, memories, personality, love and more—continues on.
- It’s normal to experience different emotions. Be prepared for an avalanche of feelings at the same time that you rarely experience during an earthly experience. You may feel intense sadness, guilt, anger, fear, joy, relief, and others simultaneously. It may feel like a roller-coaster at first. Meditation, prayer, and talking about it can help you release your fears and other lower energy emotions so you can focus on higher ones: love, joy, peace, gratitude, and enthusiasm.
- Your loved one likely wants to talk about his transition. Imagine preparing to embark on a trip to a destination far away. Wouldn’t you want to talk about it? So does your loved one who is preparing to change worlds. Women are usually more verbal than men, but most dying people want to discuss it. Ask him how he feels, what is he thinking, what is he fearful of and excited about. Then really listen. You will learn much and he will be able to process his emotions.
- Being present during the physical death of a loved one can lessen your fear of death.Nearly everyone I’ve interviewed feels the peace that occurs at the moment of death. They see the pain go away and the ego release. They notice the dying person cease to struggle and relax into the process of graduating. They see a smile form as the unneeded body is discarded.Physically dying is like being born – only in reverse. Remembering this will make their and your transition into the next stage of eternity easier.I and eleven great minds about consciousness topics – Raymond Moody, Caroline Myss, Anita Moorjani, Gary Schwartz, and others – discuss contemporary understandings about this and other big questions about life in The Eleven Questions.
- Create a joyful and peaceful environment. Play favorite music and movies. Put inspiring posters and artwork on the wall. Laugh, cry, tell stories, share your hopes and fears. Ask her what wonderful memories stand out during her life and then really listen. Some people like to have audio or video recordings of these precious stories.Create an awakened and loving space for your loved one to birth into the next phase of forever. It will also help you and other loved ones relax into the process and realize death is an integral part of infinity.
- Death isn’t contagious so touch each other. Rub her feet and back, brush her hair, cuddle up, hold hands. The dying person wants to be touched; she isn’t gone yet. Being with a dying person isn’t a spectator event—you’re not watching it on TV. It is real life happening in real time so treasure touching. Also, consider bringing in a massage therapist, Reiki, Healing Touch or other practitioner to release tension and ease discomfort.
- He may see “the welcoming committee.” As your loved ones general health and mental clarity diminish, he may be able to see what was always there all along: loved ones in spirit, angels, guides, the Light. In the past, health care providers thought such patients were losing their minds.Now we know that they are excited about seeing more of life, that 99.9% of reality that humans usually don’t perceive. Ask him about these visitors and listen. To learn more about these ‘Death Bed Visits’ or DBVs, read Greater Reality Living.
- You may have an empathetic near-death experience. It’s fairly common for family and friends of the dying person to feel the peace and joy that accompany glimpsing the Light. You may see or feel entities who are there to assist her graduation to the next level. The room may fill with light at the time of passing. You may feel “the peace that passes all understanding” near the time of death. These gifts are there for those with open hearts and minds who can relax and remain present during the dying experience.
- Invite an evidential medium to help. An evidential medium can provide valuable insights about people and pets that have changed worlds before and relay their messages. This input can radically change the mood of everyone for the better. Andy, my fiancé who can see energy, was present when my dad was preparing to cross over. She saw the soul of his grandmother whom dad had helped when she was dying.
Andy was told to ask dad about the icebox when he was a kid. That simple question led to dad laughing and telling stories about his youth. That’s literally how he spent his last waking hour on earth. What a great way to go! To find a good medium, see article #6 Evidential Mediums.
- She may want to pass on while alone. You’ve likely heard stories of loved ones who, after spending many hours with the dying person, finally went to the cafeteria or bathroom. While they were gone, their loved one crossed over. Some dying persons are more private and want to pass on while alone. Others are worried about traumatizing their loved. If family and friends aren’t ready to accept that the person is dying, she may transition while there is more peace and quiet.
- Say ‘see you later’ – not ‘good-bye.’ You can anchor the energy in your family by reminding yourself and others that death is not an end. Your loved one completed his earth-school lessons, that’s all. We all die sooner or later and it’s truly not a big deal. Love and life are eternal; who knows what adventures you two will have in the future. Forever is a very, very long time so there will ample opportunities for enjoying each other’s company in another time and place.What’s more, you can likely enjoy a continuing but different relationship with your dear ones who have changed worlds. To learn more, see article #9: Twelve Keys to Visiting with Your ‘Departed’ Loved Ones Now. You can use the Facilitated After-Death Contact technique to increase the chances of sensing that your dear ones in spirit are indeed very much alive, well, and near.
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Thank you for sharing this article with others who can use it. I hope that this article – and taking the action steps discussed – help you feel more happy, healthy, peaceful, clear, and energetic. You deserve to feel that way and the world needs your greatest gifts.
Life and love are forever. Shall we live accordingly?
Mark Pitstick, MA, DC is an author, master’s clinical psychologist, holistic chiropractic physician, frequent media guest, and workshop facilitator. He is director of The Soul Phone Foundation, co–founder of Greater Reality Living Groups,and board member of Helping Parents Heal. Dr. Pitstick can help you know and show– no matter what is going on around you – that your earthly experience is a totally safe, meaningful, and magnificent adventure amidst forever. Visit About Dr. Mark Pitstickfor his full bio.
Note: Because of his many outreaches, Dr. Pitstick can no longer answer complex and multiple questions from individuals. However, he has created many resources to answer your biggest questions and provide holistic solutions to your toughest challenges.
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Disclaimer:This information is not designed to replace medical or psychological care. My remarks are based on over forty-five years of study, training, personal experience, and professional service. Extensive clinical, scientific, and empirical evidence supports much, but not all, of what I say. My current best understandings may change over time. I do not claim to have all the answers or the only answers. My hope is that this information assists you to consider what makes the most sense to you.