by Mark Pitstick MA, DC

Note: If you already know the following information scroll down to the article title in maroon below the seven asterisks.  However, I strongly recommend reading this introduction until you really ‘own’ it.  In addition, post The Great News where you’ll see it every day.

In 2019 – 2020, a series of studies at the University of Arizona definitively demonstrated scientifically that life continues after physical death.  This research was conducted by Gary E. Schwartz PhD and a team of electrical engineers, software specialists, evidential mediums, and postmaterial (so-called ‘deceased’) luminaries at the Laboratory for Advances in Consciousness and Health. 

See articles #1 and 60 at SoulProof.com for an overview of the scientific and clinical evidence indicating – with 99.9% certainty – that consciousness survives bodily death.  This collective evidence, along with many firsthand experiences, also shows – with very high degrees of certainty – The Great News that you and everyone else:

  1. continue to live after bodily death.
  2. do not really lose ‘departed’ people and pets and can interact with them again.
  3. are integral, infinite, eternal, and beloved parts of Source Energy / Creator.
  4. receive assistance / guidance from angels, guides, master teachers, evolved energies.
  5. are sacredly interconnected with all people, animals, and nature.
  6. have special purposes for being on this planet at this time.
  7. have everything you need to survive and thrive during this earthly adventure.
  8. possess a magnificent, self-healing body that can optimize your earthly experience.
  9. can find meaning and trust the timing behind life’s biggest changes such as death.
  10. co-create how heavenly / hellish your life feels by your thoughts, words and deeds.
  11. can find silver linings and opportunities for growth and service amidst challenges.
  12. can likely use SoulPhone technology in the future for communication with postmaterial loved ones and luminaries who can help us heal our world.

This is, obviously, a new and exciting era for humanity.  When understood and internalized – even just a bit – The Great News can help you make the shift:

  • FROM thinking, believing, and acting as if your time on earth is unfair, meaningless, cruel, and ends with cessation of consciousness or the possibility of endless suffering.
  • TO thinking, believing, and acting as if this earthly experience is a totally meaningful, safe, and magnificent adventure amidst forever.

Upgrading your language can help you adopt a greater reality perspective and live based on the second worldview.  That, in turn, can help you create the greatest life YOU have envisioned, fulfill your purposes for being on earth, serve others, and enjoy the journey.  In my articles, l:  

  1. Will use the term ‘YOU’ to describe the totality of your energy / being. The real you may manifest in different spacetime ways simultaneously. Only 20% of your consciousness may be needed for an earthly experience.  The term ‘YOU’ recognizes both of these possibilities.
  2. Will not use the terms ‘die, departed, deceased, or dead’ without single quotation marks since those have strongly entrenched and erroneous meanings indicating an end of life.
  3. Will use the terms ‘bodily death’ and ‘death of the earthly form’ to remind you that only the earth-suit dies. The rest – all the intelligence, love, personality, memories, preferences, sense of humor, and much more – continues living in other parts of the field of all possibilities.
  4. Will use the terms changed worlds, passed on, transitioned and others that aptly describe a continuation of consciousness after bodily death.
  5. Will primarily refer to those who have passed on as postmaterial persons. That term recognizes the points in #3. I also will use soul, consciousness, essence, and awareness.
  6. Will primarily refer to ‘physical humans living on earth’ as material persons. Why? Because those terms within single quotation marks may apply to postmaterial persons: they can have physicality, visit earth, and are still human in meaningful ways.
  7. The terms lower versus higher energy emotions / ways of being, are not judgmental or subjective. They are based on well-established observations that ‘as you think, so shall you be.’ Those terms are also based on objective measurements by, for example, David Hawkins PhD, MD author of Power Versus Force.  He and other researchers found that higher-energy emotions of peace, joy, and love calibrate at 600, 540, and 500 respectively.  Lower-energy emotions of anger, fear, and guilt calibrate at 150, 100, and 30.
  8. I will use single quotations marks with words such as ‘lose and fail’.  The Great News and collective afterlife evidence can expand your worldview about what seem to be losses and failures.  We can’t accurately judge the big picture of life – what is lost or how we failed – with our limited human senses.
  9. To recognize and respect different genders and sexual identifications, I will alternate using ‘he’ or ‘she’ and related pronouns. Depending on a person’s orientation, one, both, or neither of those may apply.

The free articles and radio shows mentioned are available at SoulProof.com.  To learn more about the collective afterlife evidence and The Great News, read Soul Proof, The Afterlife Evidence, Greater Reality Living (co-authored with Dr. Schwartz) and The Big Picture of Life (with Schwartz and Katta Mapes MA, MEd).  To experience expanded states of consciousness to heal and transform your life, use the audio programs under Shop at SoulProof.com.

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For Deeply Grieving Parents and Family Members 

Dear friends,

I am very sorry for your pain, sadness, and all you have gone through.  Death is an illusion but the death of a child – at any age and by any means – is the cruelest of all illusions.

However, I am very glad you are connected with Helping Parents Heal (HPH) and their wonderful network of loving, enlightened, and supportive people.  They survived the early days of grieving and can help you do the same.

I’ve created 14 mini-lessons to address the most common needs of those with a child who passed on.  To help you find them more quickly, the order is:

1. Twelve Things to Remember During Early Stages of Grieving

2. Eleven Keys During Later Stages of Grieving

3. Why Did God Take My Child?

4.  When Your Child Transitions by Suicide

5. Does Life REALLY Continue After Bodily Death?

6. Helping Your Other Children

7. Relationships and Bereaved Family Members

8. Communicating with Your ‘Departed’ Child NOW

9. Pre-Birth Planning?

10. Optimally Handling Health Imbalances After a Child Transitions

11. When a Child Passes On by Murder

12. Choosing Higher Energy Emotions and Ways of Being

13. Creating the Greatest Life YOU Envision

14. When Your Only Child, or All Your Children, Change Worlds

15. Surviving, and Perhaps Even Thriving, During Holidays and Anniversaries After Your Child Passes On

(Note: I’ll use the word ‘family member’ instead of ‘parent’ since all family members and dear friends are affected when a child – at any age and by any means – graduates from earth school.  Also, I don’t expect everyone to agree with everything I say.  I am sharing my best current understandings that may change over time as I learn new information.  Feel free to say this when you share this information to people you help.)

The following information and resources can also help you get through this difficult time:

  • Attend online and in-person HPH meetings. These provide so many benefits and are free.  Listen to presentations, meet kindred spirits, and let others help.
  • Talk with Caring Listeners who have gone down a similar path.
  • Free articles at com (referenced by # in parentheses)
  • Free Radio Shows at SoulProof.com/RadioShows to hear experts’ answers to life’s toughest questions including “Why do children die?”
  • Very affordable books and audio-products at com/Shop (Note: Email me at mark@soulproof.com if you need, but cannot afford the products, and we’ll send a complimentary digital copy.) 


Mini-Lesson #1: Twelve Things to Remember During Early Stages of Grieving . . .

  1. Your child didn’t really die . . . just his/her earthly form did. You will see each other again. (#1 and 60; Soul Proof book)
  2. You can get through this. Many others have and you can too (#2; Heal and Transform Your Suffering audio-product)
  3. It’s very common to feel depressed, hopeless, angry, guilty, lonely, and other tough emotions at this stage. It gets better over time. (#10)
  4. You are not alone in this journey. Lean on your dear family members, friends, pastor, counselor, HPH Affiliate Leaders, HPH Caring Listeners, and others.5. Let yourself cry, yell, and deeply mourn.  Catharsis is essential for renewal.  If you can’t open the floodgates, use the Holistic Breathing Technique audio-product.
  5. Take one day at a time. At this stage of grieving, focus on basics and taking care of yourself.
  6. Let nature heal you. Words can fall short in times like this. Spend quiet time near water, plants and trees, or desert and listen.  When possible, walk barefooted.  Touch the soil and water to get grounded and release lower energy emotions.
  7. Feed your mind with positive and inspirational content. Read and watch material that nurtures your soul. Avoid violent and sensationalistic news and programming.
  8. Care for your body, mind, and spirit. You recently survived a major shock. Give yourself holistic self-care and health care to assist your journey to wholeness.  For example, pray (talk with Creator) and meditate (listen) daily.  (Radiant Wellness book; for professional guidance and a personally designed program to get well again, contact me at mark@soulproof.com.)
  9. Attend online and in-person HPH meetings. These provide so many benefits and are free. Listen to presentations, meet kindred spirits, and let others help.
  10. Reach out to Caring Listeners who have gone down a similar path. They can lend you a hand until you can walk on your own again.
  11. Be gentle with and good to yourself and other family members. When in pain, we sometimes lash out at the ones we love most. But they are suffering too so hug, don’t hurt each other.  (The Big Picture of Life book)

Start with this to reach a higher place.  Then I’ll share more to help you go from there.


Mini-Lesson #2: Eleven Keys During Later Stages of Grieving . . .

This article is designed for parents and family members who have gone through the initial period of grieving.  You survived the first year of anniversaries and holidays so pat yourself on the back.  However, as you well know, waves of pain, sadness, and other tough emotions can still arise – sometimes seemingly out of nowhere.  Here are 11 things to consider as you continue to heal and perhaps envision the possibility of becoming a ‘shining light’ parent / family member.

1. Remember the bottom line: your child didn’t die – just his/her earthly form did.  All of his / her love, intelligence,      memories, preferences, sense of humor, and much more lives on in a different part of Life. (#1 and 60; Soul Proof book)

  1. It’s common to still occasionally feel tough emotions such as depression, anger, and guilt. Some bereaved parents are surprised that they still feel blindsided several years after their child’s passing. However, those feelings usually are briefer and less intense than initially.
  2. You will periodically need your support team: dear family members, friends, religious / spiritual leader, counselor, HPH Affiliate Leaders, Caring Listeners, and others.
  3. Relationships will change. You’ve no doubt recognized that some supposed friends and even family members have distanced themselves.  There are multiple possible explanations for this.  The most common are:a. they don’t know what to sayb. your situation highlights their fears about death and their child’s body dyingc. it’s just too sad and painful for them to be around you nowd. circumstances change, for example, your children used to play sports together
  4. Make self-care and natural care a priority.  You may have developed one or more significant physical or ‘mental’ symptoms.  Spend some time, energy, and money to address those before they impact your health, relationships, job, happiness, etc.  (#12, 26, and 38; Radiant Wellness book; contact me at mark@soulproof.com for professional guidance and a personally designed program to get well again.)
  5. Improve your relationships. Those may have suffered as you focused on surviving one day at a time. Now you can fine-tune other parts of your life.  To learn more, see my HPH webinar Gender Differences in Grieving  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud21lIvtEzw.  (#61, 66)
  6. Deepen your release of sadness and other lower energy emotions. If you haven’t yet, let yourself cry, yell, and deeply mourn. Catharsis is essential for renewal.  My Holistic Breathing Technique audio-product is the best way I know to heal wounds and release blocks.
  7. Be good to yourself. You are still healing so take time to enjoy life again. Take time to regularly use centering practices that quiet your brain and get you back in the flow of life. (#74, 77, 82, 86, 89
  8. Serve others to transmute your sadness into love, joy, and peace. Many bereaved parents have found this to be the most powerful way to survive and thrive. You move your focus from what changed to how you can help others.  In the process, you honor your child’s life and passing.  You also get back at least ten-fold what you put out.
  9. Develop a different kind of relationship with your child. Yes, things have changed and you can no longer sense your child as you once did. However, many parents have fostered a new way to interact with their postmaterial child.  (#6, 9, and 28; Facilitated After-Death Communication Technique)
  10. You can become a shining light parent / family member. This transformation can occur over time and perhaps more quickly than you think. Many people have done this and you can too.  This is a big topic so please see article #82 Journey from Bereaved to Shining Light.

Mini-Lesson #3: Why Did God Take My Child?

This is one of the most common questions I’ve received over decades of working with bereaved family members.  So please don’t feel guilty or fearful for wondering about it.  The Creator and Sustainer of All Life certainly doesn’t punish people for asking that question.

To be clear, HPH doesn’t discuss religion.  I do not mention any specific religion or denomination in this article.  However, after a child changes worlds, some family members want to reexamine their beliefs and develop deeper understandings about Creator.

Ultimately, this article is about finding meaning about the way and timing of your child’s passing.  Many people have asked:

  1. Why did God take my child?
  2. Is God is punishing me?
  3. Why would God allow my child to die?

These are obviously very big and very heartbreaking questions.  I want to address these questions that have caused so much fear, confusion, anger, hopelessness, etc.

Before proceeding, my intent is not to disrespect your current beliefs.  If you have very strong views about the nature of the Infinite, maybe you don’t want to read this article.  However, some family members say that finding sensible answers about this topic is an important part of their journey to becoming a shining light versus bereaved person.

Before answering the three questions above, here are some important topics to consider . . .

  1. What is the nature of God? My view is that Life Source is the supreme intelligence and energy that creates, sustains, and pervades all life. Source Energy is and has an unfathomable depth of love, light, peace, joy, and understanding.  Further, we each are integral and beloved parts of All That Is.  After a spiritually transformative experience such as an NDE, many report: ‘We each are one with the One and part of Source right now and always.’ (articles #13 and 15)
  1. Creator is not a capricious dictator who mandates every detail of human existence. This carry-over from B.C. Roman and Greek gods is regrettably still held by some people despite contemporary evidence to the contrary. No wonder people are confused and scared when immense pain and suffering occurs.  The term ‘God’ has such strongly entrenched meanings of a big vengeful guy in the sky who unilaterally decides who dies how and when.
  2. Use other terms instead of God.  Try the Light, the Divine, Mother God, the Infinite, the Beloved, and others used in this article.  Do this for just thirty days and notice how the three questions posed above sound ridiculous.  I also don’t use the pronoun ‘He’ when referring to Great Spirit for two reasons.  First, the Ground of All Being is beyond gender.  Next, using ‘She or It’ can help you evolve beyond fearsome patriarchal images.
  3. A child in earth-years may actually be a very old / evolved / advanced soul.  As such, perhaps your child didn’t need prolonged earth-schooling.  That’s why the name of the Q & A I write for the Helping Parents Heal newsletter is: Evolved Souls Don’t Need a Long Earthly Experience.
  4. Your child didn’t die, just his / her earth-suit did. To one stuck in anger, self-blame, etc., this may sound like meaningless semantics. To one who is ready to open to a new moment, it’s the most important distinction bereaved family members can have.  Death at any age is not an end; it is a change of worlds at the right time and for meaningful reasons.
  5. Religious / spiritual leaders sometimes don’t know what to say.  They are people like you and me.  I attended theology school to study pastoral counseling and learn what to say to people in deep grief.  So try not to be angry if you received strange feedback such as: God works in mysterious ways, your child was used by God to save lost souls, or – my least favorite – God wanted to be with your little one.
  6. Don’t totally reject religion / spirituality. During a break during my years in theology school, I toured the east coast on my motorcycle. One day, I saw a man standing by himself at the end of a dock by the ocean.  Something urged me to talk with him; I understood why as he told me his story: ‘I used to be a Sunday School teacher and deacon at our church.  I believed everything they taught—hook, line, and sinker.  Then my son died.  Now, I think it’s all a bunch of BS.  I don’t believe in any God or afterlife, and I definitely don’t attend church.’Some family members understandably want nothing to do with churches / spiritual centers after their child changes worlds.  As human institutions, they aren’t perfect, but they often have wonderful leaders and people who can help. Later, you can take part in their service outreaches to bless others and honor your child’s name.

Let’s look at those three questions again . . .

Why did God take my child?
Your dear child is an eternal part of Life Itself.  One Mind didn’t arbitrarily ‘take’ your child.  Your child’s consciousness / soul decided to manifest itself in a different way with that portion of its energy.

Is God punishing me?
That’s the way a cruel, immature, and/or imbalanced human might act, but not the Birther of All Existence.  We punish ourselves when we forget the big picture of life.  We suffer when we believe fear-based messages and don’t question archaic teachings that our inner voice knows are wrong.  That’s why it’s important to move out of spiritual amnesia and remember how lovingly life is set up.

Just as in modern times, fear and misinformation can benefit unscrupulous people who take advantage of others.  Fear of angering a supposedly vengeful Creator has created a lot of money and power for so-called leaders.  The more you understand the nature of Source, the less you will fear that It is punishing you no matter you did or didn’t do in your life. (#46)

Why would God allow my child to die?
The Light doesn’t make anyone, especially children, die at a certain time.  Life force / consciousness chooses its time of coming and going.  The ego / earthbound part of your child probably didn’t want to move on; but its timeless essence knew it was time.  That can be very difficult for loved ones to understand and accept, but it is eminently important to do so. (#72)

You can use this new moment to deepen your knowledge about who you are and Who walks beside you always.  If you don’t yet have a meaningful relationship with the Infinite, take a moment to pray for a reunion.  Or, more accurately, intend to become aware that God never left you – just like the ‘Footprints in the Sand’ story.

Meditate, walk in nature, and engage in other timeless activities that quiet your over-analytical and worrying brain.  Attend spiritual or religious services that focus on love and service, not fear and guilt.  Over time, you’ll be pleasantly surprised to find the Presence within and all around you.  God is not asleep at the wheel even though it may seem that way at times from our limited human perspective.

Continue to search, struggle, and seek sensible answers to your toughest questions and challenges.  The resulting faith AND knowledge will help you absolutely know that you and your child are ageless beings of consciousness / energy / spirit.

You can blame and be angry at Source for as long as you want.  That level of love and wisdom understands and doesn’t mind.  But, when you are ready, you can take a higher road to understanding why your child died and how you can best live now.  And that, my friends, is the path that your child — who now has a more expanded vision of and connection with the Light — hopes you take.


Mini-Lesson #4:
When Your Child Transitions by Suicide

Family members of a child whose body died by suicide are understandably deeply devastated.  They often feel guilty about what they could have or shouldn’t have done to prevent it.  Family members may justifiably feel angry or resentful for all the pain and loss the suicide caused — but then feel guilty about that.  They sometimes face avoidance from supposed friends and judgment from ministers of fear-based denominations.  The grief of family members may be amplified by fears about the fate of their child’s soul.

The evidence for my views include input from documented near-death experiences, after-death communications, evidential mediums, life between lives sessions, more enlightened religious / spiritual teachings, firsthand experience, and common sense about how a fair and loving Creator would act.  This is a very difficult topic that I address more fully in article #4 at SoulProof.com.  Seven understandings that have helped many people include . . .

  1. Suicide is NOT an unforgiveable sin. In the New Testament, ‘blasphemy against the Spirit’ is described as being unforgivable. Pretty vague, right?  This belief from the Middle Ages and before is a perfect control device since people projected that whatever they were doing was the unforgiveable sin.  But let’s consider this topic with just an ounce of sense and compassion for a moment, shall we?  What good earthly parent wouldn’t forgive their child who was in obvious pain and/or imbalance?  And yet, somehow, we are expected to believe that the Creator and Sustainer of the entire cosmos lacks that level of understanding and love?  (article #4)
  2. Suicide is NOT a one-way ticket to a fiery eternal ‘hell’. Much contemporary evidence shows that no such place exists and everyone can eventually enter the Light after dying—even those who pass on by suicide. Nearly all denominations have rejected the notion that a loving Creator could even imagine such a place and that He would punish His children who suffered so profoundly.  Replace the pronouns He / His with She / Her and notice how this archaic fear-based concept sounds even more ridiculous.  (article #14)
  3. The Light understands and loves more than we can fathom.  Source Energy doesn’t judge, reject, or punish; It always embraces, assists, and guides.  Those who don’t realize they are part of All That Is can awaken to their true nature whenever they believe they are worthy of it.  The ‘prodigal son’ story in The Bible is a wonderful way of describing how life is set up.  The bodily death of a child can wake you up to this great news. (article #17)
  4. You will see your child again. She didn’t destroy her entire self, just the earthly part that housed her consciousness for a brief while. It’s impossible to kill life force / essence so you will see her again.  A different kind of relationship with her can develop over time.  Over 75 million Americans have experienced an after-death communication with loved ones whose bodies died so stay alert for subtle signs or unusual events. (#1, 9, 28, 60)
  5. He may initially judge himself.  Just as those living on earth, depending on the circumstances, he might not instantly love, accept, and forgive himself.  He may need a period of deep rest, rehabilitation, and counseling.  In time, he can accept what happened, forgive himself, heal, and plan how to do better the next time.
  6. She was lovingly tended to after her death.  The Divine knows how difficult an earthly incarnation was for your dear one who passed on by suicide.  She was lovingly and respectfully cared for by angels and guides in an environment characterized by peace, understanding, patience, and compassion.  Your dear one was also likely nurtured and comforted by animal and plants forms – puppies, kittens, fawns, flowers, and other manifestations of unconditional love. It was a perfect way for her to begin reentering the stream of life.
  7. He didn’t want to hurt you or anyone. Have you ever said or done something you regretted later? Of course, we all have.  The same thing is true with your loved one who terminated his physical body.  He didn’t mean to devastate you. He did the best he could given his physical and/or mental state at the time.  Suicide notes often contain a variation of the following sentence: “I’m sorry.  I just couldn’t handle it anymore.”If you could hear him right now, he would apologize and make it clear that he never wanted to hurt you or anyone else. He would let you know that he is still very much alive.  Consider, too, the possibility that the potential for suicide may have been designed to help others (article #25).

Life is set up so that even the most horrible tragedies — the suicide of a child, for example — can result in more growth, understanding, and service to others.   The death of a child’s body at any age and by any means is the worst nightmare for most people.  However, over time and with clear intentions and action steps, it can become a catalyst for growth and blessings.  I hope this article helps you glimpse that possibility as you heal and transform.


Mini-Lesson #5:
Does Life REALLY Continue After Death?

This is a huge question for family members when a loved one passes on.  They are so traumatized by the bodily death of their child that they understandably feel hopeless.  One spin-off of this may involve questioning deep-seated beliefs.  When you feel discouraged and depressed, your fears seem bigger.  Then your brain starts to think: maybe the idea of afterlife is like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, just made-up stories for those who can’t face the finality of death?

The GREAT news is that much collective evidence clearly proves that life continues after the earthly form perishes.  Death is not a good-bye, just a see you later.  And that, my friends, makes all the difference in the world.

Gary E. Schwartz, PhD, is the director of the University of Arizona’s Laboratory for Advances in Consciousness and Health.  A former assistant professor at Harvard and tenured professor at Yale, he stated in the book we co-authored, Greater Reality Living: “Speaking as a scientist, I am now 99.9 percent certain that life continues after bodily death.” I am equally sure based upon my personal and professional experiences and knowledge of the collective evidence.

Those are very high levels of certainty.  Many experts on consciousness and afterlife topics agree there is very strong evidence that your consciousness / energy / spirit survive bodily death.  Put another way, life is never-ending despite outward appearances to the contrary.

The evidence that consciousness continues after bodily death can be grouped into three categories indicating who is doing the analysis: research scientists, clinicians, and persons having a firsthand experience.  I also mention religious / spiritual teachings although this can’t be considered as objective evidence because of the many documented changes over time. 

     1.  Evidence from Research Scientists

Evidence collected by a scientist requires a laboratory or research setting with double-blinded, experimentally controlled and replicated studies.  Further, the findings must be statistically significant, peer-reviewed and published in reputable journals.  Topics in this category include: studies of authentic mediums, spirit communication technology, and other scientific evidence for consciousness.  (article #1 and 6)

  1. Evidence from Clinicians

Evidence from a medical or psychological clinician requires systematic collection and analysis of data in a professional office, hospital or field setting.  Categories include: near-death experiences, past life memories, perinatal research, life between lives studies, terminal lucidity and deathbed visions. (article #60)

  1. Evidence from Persons Having Firsthand Experiences

Evidence in this category is perceived and analyzed by the person having the direct experience.  Categories include: after-death communications and other types of firsthand experiences. (article #9, 11,

  1. Religious and Spiritual Teachings
    This was the first source of afterlife information for many people. Unfortunately, in my opinion, most denominations have done a very poor job of clearly teaching about Creator and afterlife.

Fear-based teachings and misinformation were purposely introduced over the centuries in some religious texts.  Why?  To scare people into donating more money, believing certain doctrines, and being more controllable.  Teachings of an all-loving Creator followed by, in the next breath, warnings about a fiery eternal hell have understandably turned many people away from religious teachings.  However, the core teachings of all religions agree that life continues after bodily death. (articles #13, 14, 15, 16, 83)

Based on the above evidence and teachings, it is abundantly clear that your children didn’t die.  Yes, their earthly forms did, but that is less than 1% of who and what they really are.  The rest continues: all the love, intelligence, memory, sense of humor, preferences, and much more.

If you can move past the pain and sadness, you can sense their living presence.  This allows you to develop a different type of relationship — what one mom called ‘a soulship’ — with your children.

I hope this information helps you find and demonstrate the silver linings that always accompany seeming tragedies.


Mini-Lesson #6: Helping Your Other Children

I will address this topic in the form of a Q & A . . .

Q: Do you have any guidance on how we can help surviving siblings?  My son Bill passed on several years ago after long bouts of intensive medical care.  His twin brother John felt like we made a choice that forced him to grow up very fast.  Now we have no connection with John, and it is very difficult.  Any guidance will be appreciated.

A: Thank you for asking this deep and important question.  I am very sorry for what can feel like a double loss, and I salute you for seeking advice about how to best handle this.  I assume you have apologized, expressed your love, and tried to make amends.  Further, I’m sure you have explained to John that you would have done the same — assisted health care and deeply mourned — for him.  Given that, I suggest . . .

  1. Fine-tune your energy: Whether he is consciously aware of it or not, John can sense your energy. He likely didn’t get to grieve so being around more pain, sadness, etc. of family members makes his unprocessed feelings even worse. The more you can upgrade your energy, the more likely a reunion with him may be. (articles #2, 11, 12, 16, 40, 41, 70, 77)
  2. Ask your soul: Your inner wisdom knows how to best handle this situation.  Use the technique as directed and let your wise knowing float up. (#71)  As you know, twins can have interesting dynamics: some are very much alike while others are polar opposites.  That adds another layer to this challenge that is really an opportunity from Life Itself to awaken.
  3. Upgrade your language: Conscious language more accurately reflects the nature of reality.  For example – and I am not being critical – drop the term ‘surviving sibling’.  That implies that Bill didn’t survive.  Hearing such language, and being around the accompanying sad energy, doesn’t help anyone.  Instead, try ‘my earthly son’ and ‘my postmaterial son’ or whatever terms work best for you.  As with #1, this little shift can raise the vibration and help attract John back into the fold whether he hears your words or not.
  4. Have a heart to heart communication: Even though you tried to communicate before, you now have a different reference point.  You now understand at a deeper level how difficult it is for the brothers and/or sisters of a child who passes on.  They often don’t feel like they can openly grieve because their parents are suffering so deeply.  They may put on a happy face when they really feel like crying and screaming.  They may try to numb themselves with too much alcohol or drugs.  Or they may alienate themselves like John did.Behind it all, they are communicating: ‘What about me?  I’m still here.’  Then they feel guilty for feeling that way.

All this can be very difficult for everyone involved.  Parents do their best but might have trouble getting through the day.  They try to consider their other children but feel like they don’t have much or anything to give.  As always, communication is a major key to moving forward with love and compassion.

From your new vantage point several years after Bill’s graduation from earth-school, you can better see all this.  As such, you can — via a phone call, letter, email, text, or heart-to-heart — communicate how difficult that time was for him.  You can ask for forgiveness from a place of greater clarity versus your previous confused and hopeless state of mind.  See what happens.

  1. Visualize a reunion with John: Many masters have taught that clearly seeing a desire change is a big step to making it happen.Before falling asleep, pray and intend that you and he will get closer again in the right time and in the right way IF that is meant to be all things considered.
  2. Remember the big picture of life: From an earthly viewpoint, it appears that one son has died and another is lost because of your broken relationship. However, in reality, you three are eternal beings who may have orchestrated the possibility of this scenario for very important reasons. And, even more fundamentally, you three are manifestations of consciousness and integral parts of One Mind.  In a very real sense, all this is like a play, a movie, a virtual reality experience, a blink of an eye, a dance of energy as you three and Life Itself expand and evolve.

Small inner changes in your thoughts, words, and deeds can create huge outward benefits.  For example — and I’m not criticizing at all — use a different term than ‘surviving sibling’ for John.  Bill also survives, just not in his old body.  Find different terms for how you think and talk about this, for example, my son on earth and my son in the next realm.  Or whatever works for you.

It’s possible that John — an eternal soul in a young man’s disguise — agreed to be part of this for good reasons.  Perhaps he tended to be overly dependent when experiencing visits to other times and places.  As a result, in this earth-experience, he volunteered to receive less attention.  Why?  So he might become more independent, self-motivated, and realize more deeply who he is.  And that’s just one example of how that scenario could be a blessing in disguise.

For a deeper sense of this, I recommend action steps based on articles # 15, 25, 51, 52, 68, 70, 72, 75, and 80.

  1. Don’t be attached to the outcome: I know this is SO difficult but it’s really important. Who knows, perhaps John’s soul had a tendency to lean on others during earthly visits and that minimized his growth. So in this one, the potential for his ‘leaving the nest’ early was put into place.  Look at photos from Hubble Space Telescope to realize that human perspectives are so limited.  One take away from that is to remember: it’s all good, it’s all God.

After you’ve done #1 – 7 for 60 to 90 days, then . . .

  1. Make light periodic contact: At first, ‘thinking of you, sending you love and light’, or whatever John would like. Later, ‘Hey, here’s a technique (Holistic Breathing, Ask Your Soul, Pre-Birth Planning) that was very cool. I’d be glad to share the audio file if you want to check it out.’  (use his language)  If and when he is interested, mention the online HPH Siblings group as a resource.  https://www.facebook.com/groups/helpingsiblingsheal/?ref=share

Once you are hopefully back in contact, take extra time to nurture and enjoy your relationship.  Be honest about your feelings but also have fun.  Take time to enjoy activities and get used to the new normal.  This is wise for other parents whose children are still in contact but struggling.


Mini-Lesson #7: Relationships and Bereaved Family Members

Of the many stresses bereaved family members face, this can be one of the toughest.  It’s bad enough when your child’s body dies, let alone when relationships with family and friends suffer.  Just knowing this is common helps since you know you’re not the only one to endure it.  There are several ways this happens and I’ll address each.  As you read, remember that challenge / adversity is just one side of the coin; the other is opportunity / growth.  Stay open to new possibilities as previous relationships change.

Friendships change, especially ones that were more superficial.  Some friends don’t know what to say, others don’t want their own fears about death triggered, and some just can’t / don’t want to be around the pain.  The focus of bereaved persons usually shifts as they deal with surviving, answering life’s toughest questions, and going through major changes.  Some observe that, years after their child’s transition, their network of friends has shifted completely.  Others report that most of their new friends are also bereaved family members.

Other children in the family may feel like they can’t express their grief because their parents are so sad.  They report feeling unappreciated and want to say: ‘I know you miss my sister, but I’m still here.  What about me?’  If these deep feelings aren’t communicated, distancing in relationships can occur.  I addressed this topic in article #6 that was emailed to HPH Caring Listeners and Affiliate Leaders.  Help for siblings is available from Caring Listeners and HPH for Siblings groups.

Marital stress for the parents is fairly common and very understandable.  The dynamics below do not apply to everyone and can occur with hetero and well as homosexual parents.  There are a number of potential causes for this.

1. There are gender differences in nearly all categories of life so it shouldn’t be a surprise that men and women grieve differently.

  1. Parents with more masculine energy — usually men but sometimes women — tend to be more protective, logical, noncommunicative, and feel responsible. Those with more feminine energies — usually women but sometimes men — tend to be more caring, nurturing, sensitive, and expressive.  Understanding these differences can prevent or minimize communication problems.
  2. Parents with more masculine energy may feel angry at themselves and others.  In addition, they may feel like failures because they didn’t protect their child.  Those with more feminine energies tend to feel guilty and sad that they didn’t catch subtle signs.  During times of severe stress, these dynamics can intensify or shift.
  3. ‘You sometimes hurt the one you love’ can be a factor.Partners may feel safe in acting angry, bitter, extremely sad, etc. around each other.  In that sense, it’s a compliment that your partner feels comfortable doing that.  However, an excess of lower energy emotions – day in and day out – can be too much for the other partner since he / she is also struggling.  Over time, it can also choke the romance and joy out of a relationship.  Couples may morph into becoming co-workers and co-grievers.
  4. Adjusting to ‘the new normal’ may involve keeping very busy to escape the pain. One negative side-effect is that good communication may suffer.
  5. Partners may differ in their religious / spiritual beliefs.This can be a problem when, for example, one believes in afterlife and the other doesn’t.  Other more fundamental issues can arise when, for example:a. one parent believes that the child’s actions while on earth – for example, drinking, drug use, or suicide – leads to a fiery eternal hellb. the other believes that Creator / Universe is more loving, understanding, and forgiving – no matter what has occurred – than we can fathom

As you can see, there are many possible challenges after a child passes.  However, those challenges also present new opportunities for greater love, service, growth, evolving, and enjoyment.  Finding and sharing the silver linings usually works best when the parents are on a similar wavelength and happy together.

Improving communication is required to address all these challenges.  Recommendations for doing this include:

1. Schedule quality time to talk when you won’t be interrupted

2. Before talking, pray / set an intention that you will become more happy and loving together

3. Sit knee to knee and look at each other while talking

4. No interruptions; only one person talks while the other really listens; then the listener pauses to reflect for a moment before responding

5. Focus on ‘I feel’ statements to go deeper below the anger or other lower energy feelings. For example, one parent might say: ‘I should have seen this coming.’ That’s in the head, not the heart.  Ask him / her: ‘How does that make you feel?’  The underlying feelings may be ‘I feel responsible and guilty that I didn’t listen to my inner voice.’   Another basic counseling technique involves asking: ‘I hear you talking about ___, but what’s really bothering you?’

6. Remember your intentions and stay on topic; don’t get side-tracked by revisiting ‘if only I or you woulda, coulda, shoulda.’   One way to do this is to quiet your mind so it doesn’t excessively revisit the past.  Read article #77 Centering Practices and #51 Meditation to learn how to do this.

7. Have date nights: get out of the house and revisit special places you used to enjoy

8. If possible, maintain sexual intimacy even if you don’t feel like it

9. Layers of pain and sadness may make communication difficult or impossible.  Read article #70 Holistic Breathing Technique to release old wounds and pain so you can open your hearts and minds.  Doing the breathwork session together is a great way to ‘warm up’ before talking.

10. Another way to improve communication is to use the ‘LAF’ Technique as described in article #40 before talking

11. Some parents feel guilty about having fun or feeling good after their child graduates from earth-school.  ‘How can we feel good when our child is “gone”?’  The irony here is three-fold:

a. Your child is having a million times more joy, peace, love, etc. than most people on earth

b. Your child may be right beside you, rooting you on to reenter the flow of life

c. You and your child may be together right now in another slice of life.  To learn more about this possibility, see article #75 Multilocation: Are You Having Simultaneous Life Experiences Now?

12. Get psychological and/or pastoral / spiritual counseling, especially from those with experience working with bereaved parents.

12. Attend religious / spiritual services for increased support, love, and service opportunities

13. Don’t let your child’s passing define who you are.  A few ways to look at that . . .

a. You had a life before your child was born into this earthly experience

b. Your child was alive before entering the human body that perished.  He / she continues to live in another slice of life after that earthly vehicle was no longer needed.

c. You can focus on gratitude for the years you had together, wonderful memories, and knowledge you will see each other again.See article #41 to learn the ART Technique.

d. Consider that your child’s ‘early’ transition may have been pre-planned.  To learn more about this possibility, see article #25.

14. Watch my video recorded with a group of HPH parents at Gender Differences in Grieving. (As of this writing, it’s on the eight row from the top.)

 

Mini-Lesson #8: Communicating with Your ‘Departed’ Child NOW

In 2019 and 2020, a series of scientific studies at the University of Arizona definitively demonstrated that life continues after physical death.  This research was conducted by Gary E. Schwartz PhD and a team of electrical engineers, software programmers, and other specialists at the Laboratory for Advances in Consciousness and Health.  See articles #1 and 60 SoulProof.com for an overview of the scientific and clinical evidence that consciousness survives bodily death.  To learn more about the research, visit SoulPhone.org.

We use the ‘postmaterial’ to describe those living persons who no longer needed their earthly bodies.  Earth is referred to as ‘the material world’ while those who pass on are living in postmaterial realms.

Given this great news, you can now focus more on creating a different kind of relationship with your child who graduated from earth-school.

I spoke with one father whose son was poised to play major league baseball, but passed on due to an undetected heart condition.  This dad thoroughly knew and believed the evidence for life after death.  ‘Even so’ I asked, ‘Do you find yourself feeling sad and down sometimes?’  He admitted, ‘Once in a while, but I try to quickly upgrade those feelings.  I would never do anything that hampers my awareness of my son and our contact.’

I couldn’t have said it any better. 

Below are 11 keys to perceiving your child’s very real presence and enjoying a relationship with them now.

  1. Remember the great news: You didn’t really ‘lose’ your child even though it appears that way to your limited senses. You will reunite with them when you change worlds. What’s more, you can enjoy a continued, but different, relationship now.
  2. Developing that relationship may be easier than you might think. Your postmaterial child is very motivated and very able to establish contact. Knowing that after-death communications (ADCs) are very common is the first step to establishing a real relationship with them. (#28)
  3. Ask for contact. Intend and pray for safe and clear communications. Invite them in by name and talk aloud to stay focused.  Just treat them like a real person since they still are.  Start talking, even if you aren’t sure they are there.  Their presence may seem to build over time as you get used to this new way of interacting.
  4. You may hear them two ways:a. outwardly with your human sense of hearing as you do with other humansb. telepathically and more subtly with what has been called ‘your mind’s ears.’
  5. Talk about anything, just as you would do with a loved one living on earth. Share personal events and ask them questions. Throughout the day, point out items of interest to them, for example, ‘Oh look, there’s the restaurant you loved so much.”  As with most things, practice makes perfect.
  6. Upgrade your energy. To optimally enjoy contact, get on a similar wavelength as they are: higher and finer energies such as love, joy, peace, gratitude, enthusiasm, growth, and service. How can you upgrade yourself in that direction?  Meditate, pray, spend quiet time in nature, serve others, and focus on higher feeling thoughts.  (#51, 77) Optimally care for yourself and fine-tune your body/mind.  (#12, 70, 87, my book Radiant Wellness.)
  7. Hold an object of theirs. Objects can absorb and retain energy. Holding a personal item of your loved one who has changed worlds may enhance your connection with them.
  8. Create an environment he or she would appreciate and resonate with.  Perhaps flowers, candles, and photos.  Or – for a sports nut – their baseball glove, soccer ball, cleats, and jersey.  Be creative and consider what setting would make you and them smile.
  9. Give thanks.  When any kind of communication happens, being thankful may make it more likely to happen again. Gratitude and love are considered to be two of the highest energy emotions and closest to the energy of Source.  Focus on the glass being half full and have appreciation for even fleeting, minor, or future contacts.
  10. Leave room for the “X” factor. There is much that we don’t know about the afterlife. Contact from your loved ones who graduated from earth-school may be delayed for good reasons that you can’t comprehend.  Maybe they are still recharging, healing, or getting oriented to their new abode.  Perhaps they are busy with other tasks and, given your deep connection, know you understand.If you perceived them soon after their parting but haven’t since, they might know you are doing OK.  Or perhaps you are off balance in body / mind / spirit and can’t sense their presence.  Finally, you may have chosen the absence or lack of visits as part of your soul’s plan to become more independent.  The bottom line?  Don’t get too obsessive about it but, instead, trust the power of love.
  11. Use the Facilitated After-Death Contact technique. I’ve created a powerful way to increase your chances of visiting with loved ones who have crossed over. The deep relaxation / hypnosis in this technique can help you become more calm and clear.  In this audio product, I incorporate some of the strategies from this article.  This creates a holistic experience that can enhance your perception of loved ones whose body died.  (#9)

 

Mini-Lesson #9: Pre-Birth Planning?

Have you ever wondered . . .

Are some events that happen while you are on Earth planned?  If so, who does the planning?  The Creator and Sustainer of All Life? Your angels, guides, and other highly evolved assistants?  Your inner self / essence / consciousness?  All of the above in collaboration?  Further, to what degree are events planned?  Are they completely determined and “set-in-stone” or is just the potential of certain outcomes designed?  And, the biggest question of all, why would anyone chooseto possibly suffer?

If you have thought about these questions, you have lots of company.  I hear them almost daily from people around the world, especially those who are experiencing significant tragedy, pain, sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness.

Many people wonder . . . is there really purpose and meaning to life, or is it just a series of random, chaotic, and unfair events?  It’s important to find sensible and evidence-based answers about these questions.  Otherwise, people may shut down emotionally, excessively focus on materiality, numb out with drugs and alcohol, succumb to hopelessness, and/or become mentally and physically imbalanced.

This is a very deep topic with multiple facets to it.  Please see my 28-page article #25 Pre-Birth Planning: Did I REALLY Plan All This? to learn more.  Here are my understandings about the questions posed above . . .

  1. Are some of the events that happen while you are on Earth pre-planned?
    Indications are that some, but not all, of them are designed. For example, it probably wasn’t preplanned that I just scratched my nose. Only key events appear to be planned.  Keep in mind that what seems major from an earthly perspective may be of no consequence in the big picture of life.  Conversely, what appears minor from a human viewpoint may be planned if it’s important in the greater scheme of things.
  2. If so, who does the planning? The Creator and Sustainer of all life? Your angel, guides, and other highly evolved assistants?  Your inner self / essence / consciousness?  All of the above?
    Ideally, all three levels are involved in planning an optimal earth-experience.  Let’s break down those three categories.The Light, one of many synonyms for the Creator and Sustainer of all life, is considered to be everywhere and everywhen.  Some NDErs describe this Presence as being in the background and, yet, deeply caring about you and everyone else.  This degree of power, love, and wisdom doesn’t force us to live a certain way.  The Infinite isn’t a puppet master or robot manufacturer.  However, It holds a vision of what is possible for each of us: love, peace, joy, enthusiasm, meaning, and much more.  That template is part of our being and calls us toward it.(To be clear, when I discuss the role of the Ground of All Being in life design, I am not talking about a huge guy in the sky with long white hair and a beard.  Further, a personified God does not unilaterally decide how and when all life events play out.  This distorted image of Infinite Intelligence is a carry-over from Roman and Greek images in the 8th century B.C.  The problems with viewing Creator as a gigantic human-like being become abundantly clear when one faces difficulties.  See article #13 to learn more about my views of G.O.D.)Higher energy assistants / assistance (angels, guides, master teachers, highly evolved energies / assistants) are available to help us optimally design key life events.   However, they do not force their assistance upon us.  To learn more about this level of beings, see article #73.Your inner self / essence / consciousness has a golden opportunity before coming to earth to plan a successful life that meets your highest goals.  Advanced PMPs fearlessly design earthly experiences – in collaboration with the Light and evolved assistance – to increase their love, service, growth, and enjoyment.However, beginner souls may not have recognized the importance of listening to others.  Like impulsive or rebellious children, less mature beings may make questionable and hasty decisions.  That is their choice.  However, they also must bear responsibility for the results of their choices.  That’s how they learn about the law of cause and effect, and the wisdom of choosing life’s high roads as much as possible.   Those with less evolved awareness can learn to seek counsel while planning experiences like an earthly visit. (article #15)
  3. To what degree are events planned? Are they completely determined and “set-in-stone”, or is just the possibility of certain outcomes designed?
    Most pre-planning appears to consist of likelihoods. Events aren’t set up as completely predetermined, but exist more as potentialities.  Let’s say your essence wanted to grow in patience and compassion as its main goals for this earthly incarnation.  In order to better fulfill those goals, you – from a pre-earthly visit vantage point – may have set up a possibility of encountering significant difficulty.  That could set the stage for developing you desired personality improvements that become part of who you are while on earth and beyond.
  4. Why would anyone choose to experience suffering?
    It’s a very important question, isn’t it? From a very limited human view, only a lunatic would choose sufferingBut what might an expanded perspective reveal? It’s so easy to become ‘comfortably numb’ during this earthly experience.  When things are going smoothly, it’s easy to major in the minors of life: what Hollywood stars are dating, what the latest fashions are, who will get the MVP in your favorite sport, impressing others, etc.  After extreme adversity, such as the death of your child’s earthly form, many people awaken to the fullness of life.  They realize there is more than staying in their narrow comfort zone and thinking of their limited tribe.

During my 68 years on earth, I’ve been privileged to meet incredibly impressive people who faced tremendous adversity: Geraldine was raped by her uncle at age 14, then thrown out by her family when she became pregnant; Rob was paralyzed from the waist down after an accident; Michael lost his vision at a young age; Elizabeth’s son died tragically.

Each of them was able to work through the initial shock and develop higher energy emotions: peace, acceptance,  gratitude, love – and even enthusiasm and joy.  They each mightily contributed to our world and powerfully helped others.

I hope this information and cited articles informs your personal search as you consider your answers to these key questions.

 

Mini-Lesson #10: Optimally Handling Health Imbalances After a Child Transitions

Many family members develop physical and/or mental symptoms after a child passes on.  It seems like the Universe is piling on, but makes sense when you understand the way the human body works.  The shock and tragedy are huge stresses to the body’s organs and systems.  Some symptoms resolve over time.  But others, especially if there were preexisting imbalances, may require more self-care and holistic health care.

Women are more prone to hormonal-related imbalances because of menstrual cycles, pregnancy, and/or menopausal demands on the endocrine system.  Severe stress accompanying the bodily death of a child can trigger physical and ‘mental’ symptoms due to fatigue or dysfunction of one or more organs in that system: pituitary, hypothalamus, thyroid, ovaries, pancreas, and adrenals.  That’s one reason bereaved women can experience more anxiety, depression, fatigue insomnia, and decreased libido after.

Middle-aged men can experience a less severe ‘male climacteric’ contributing to   decreased libido, impotence, and irritability.  Bereaved dads of any age can experience those and other symptoms because of the tremendous shock to the body.

For both men and women, the trauma of a child’s passing can trigger symptoms related to the brain and nervous system.  Common ones are anxiety, depression, poor concentration, memory loss, facial tics, hand tremors, and insomnia.

People often don’t understand the connection between severe stress and bodily function so they may:
a. wonder if they or their partner are developing a disease

b. fear their spouse is going crazy or going downhill

c. feel even more helpless and overwhelmed

d. self-medicate with alcohol and/or drugs

e. turn to porn and/or extramarital affairs in a misguided attempt to bolster sex drive and satisfaction; however, over time, this can hurt or destroy sexual intimacy for the bereaved persons.

Orthodox medical doctors may prescribe drugs to decrease the above symptoms.  That might be wise in crisis situations, such as severe depression and anxiety, but it doesn’t address the underlying causes.  Pharmaceutical drugs may create negative side-effects that can magnify the problem.  For example, increased suicidal and homicidal thinking and behavior are potential side-effects of some anti-depressant drugs.

The good news is that safe, affordable, natural, and effective (SANE) self-care and holistic health methods can often reduce and eliminate these symptoms.  What’s more, discovering imbalances early on may prevent a full-blown nameable disease from developing.  That’s one example of the silver linings that can occur when a child passes and your world is rocked.

See articles #12, 26, 38, 54, and 87 at SoulProof.com and my book Radiant Wellness for more information.  Email me at mark@soulproof.com for professional counseling / coaching and a personally designed program to get well again.

 

Mini-Lesson #11: When a Child Passes On by Murder

When the physical body of your loved one is murdered, no one could blame you if you spent the rest of your days feeling anger, bitterness, severe grief, desire for revenge, and other lower energy emotions.  However, some people whose loved ones passed on via murder have found another path.

It feels horrible when you can’t physically see, hug, and hear your dear ones.  The shocking reality of that can be magnified when they change worlds by murder.  Those hellish feelings make it seem your only recourse is to feel anger, hopelessness, desire revenge, etc.  However, the information in this article can help you remember they are still very much alive and well, and you can choose how you react.

People often slumber through their earthly experience without deeply examining key questions such as ‘Who am I?  Why am I here?  What happens after my body dies?’ and others.  A shocking event such as the murder of a child can shake you up and wake you up to the greater reality of life.

You haven’t really ‘lost’ your loved ones: they graduated from earth-school because their lessons were completed.  Murder was their ticket back Home to prepare for the next phase of life.  You will see them again and can enjoy a different, but very meaningful relationship with them now. (article #9)

You deserve to feel happy and healthy again, and the world needs your brightest light.  Your loved ones are in a realm predominated by peace, joy, gratitude, love, enthusiasm, and other wonderful energies / ways of being.  They want you to remember that and feel those higher energy emotions more and more each day.

When understood and acted upon, even a little bit, the information in this article can help you survive and eventually thrive.  If it is your intent, you can even heal, transform, find silver linings, share them with others, and honor your child.  Depending on your current stage of grief, that may sound impossible or inspiring to you, but many people have demonstrated it is possible and shown the way.

I cannot cover all the keys to optimally handling the murder of a child’s earthly form.  (Please notice the more cumbersome but ultra-important language distinction: your child was not murdered – he or she is very much alive and well in another realm – but the physical body was.)  See article #27 for a full discussion of this very difficult occurrence that contains the seeds of many blessings.  Here are a few keys to remember . . .

  1. Your loved one didn’t suffer as much as you might think. Good evidence indicates that the consciousness of a person can disengage from the body just before a fatal injury. Medically, this is considered physiological shock; spiritually / energetically, it’s considered grace and how a loving Creator would set things up.I’ve interviewed numerous people who were shot, stabbed, or fell from great heights.  All of them said it initially just felt like a punch and that was it.  The essence / soul of a person knows when an injury will be fatal; there are no good reasons to stick around and experience the entire impact.When death occurred, your loved one was very likely watching impassively from above.  They were probably much more concerned about you than the demise of their no longer needed physical shell.  Why?  They were already seeing more clearly that no one really dies.  From this wider perspective, they could see that their physical bodies were just temporary vehicles that were no longer needed.I hope this stops you from tormenting yourself that your loved one suffered horribly.  Even if their physical body was speaking or screaming at the time of death, their real selves already had one foot in the next phase of forever.
  2. Being murdered is a ticket back Home.
    There are only six ways that a person can move on to the next page in life’s never-ending saga: old age (natural causes), unknown causes, terminal illness, fatal accident, suicide, and murder. From a limited earthly perspective, all of these are horrible – especially when they occur with a young person. But from a greater reality viewpoint, the method of death is inconsequential.  How else can the soul / consciousness inhabiting a younger body move into the next phase of life except by what appears to be a senseless tragedy?

Although you may not understand it now, there is meaning behind the timing and way your loved one died.  For example, I didn’t write this article until I received a letter from a mother whose son was stabbed in the heart.  Her description of helplessly watching him call for help was difficult to read.  Many people will be comforted and informed by this article.  From an enlightened perspective, her son got a return trip back Home AND made a hugely positive impact.  Not a bad deal when you remember that death is an illusion.

  1. No one is alone at the time of death.
    Sometimes loved ones appear to be alone at the time of passing and that, of course, can haunt family members and friends. However, good evidence shows that higher energy assistants – angels, guides, master teachers, and soulmates – are right there at every moment. So is the Light / the Ground of Being / Great Spirit.  No one ever ‘dies’ alone.

After the physical body perished, your loved ones were lovingly accompanied at every step into the afterlife.  They enjoyed a wonderful reunion and were greeted by dear family, friends, and pets who passed on earlier.  Then they received a healing shower, rest, rehab, counsel, and whatever else they needed to fully reenter the flow of life.

Upon learning this, the question understandably arises: ‘Why didn’t the angels, guides, and others prevent the murder of my loved one?’  We can’t know all of the factors involved, but the most common reasons include:

a. Higher energy assistants often do intervene when doing so is in alignment with the soul’s plan.

b. Although loved ones may be young in earth-years, they may be advanced souls who didn’t need a long earthly experience. Evolved beings sometimes volunteer out of love to help beginner souls. That may include learning that murder is not something that should be done.  Less evolved souls can be like children learning how to walk.  They fall down many times – as we all have – before learning to follow the Golden Rule.

c. It was time for the loved one to move to the next phase of forever.

d. We live in a free will universe.  Perhaps higher energy assistants tried to prevent the murder but, for a variety of possible reasons, that was the course chosen.

e. If angels prevented every “sad and difficult” event, that would negate reasons for visiting earth and experiencing challenges.

f. The horror of a loved one’s murder can motivate family and friends to learn, grow, and serve more deeply. For example, the abusive death of a three-year-old boy when I worked in hospitals in the mid-70s was largely responsible for the service I’ve provided to many thousands of people since then.

  1. Inhale the good, exhale the bad.
    When you are ready, you can release grief, hopelessness, and sadness with the Holistic Breathing Technique (article #70).  This powerful method helps you retrieve stuck energy, heal deep wounds, and better remember the big picture of life.  It’s one of the most effective ways I know to recall who you and your loved one really are.And that, in turn, helps you gain a better perspective about what happened and how you can optimally respond.
  2. Forgive the murderer.
    Yes, I know, it’s much easier said than done. I’ve received angry replies from people consumed with hatred and revenge for even suggesting it is possible.  Others are obsessed with finding the murder, increasing their prison time, or enforcing the death penalty.  I can at least partially understand their feelings so definitely no judgment here.However, I know other people who have forgiven and focused more on the good things in their lives.  They endeavored to honor their ‘departed’ loved one and serve others in his or her name.  Choosing to focus on higher energy emotions – day by day – made these people feel better and closer to their postmaterial child.  Forgiveness primarily benefits the forgiver.

Forgiving does not imply condoning the murder, or not wanting justice.  It does mean having compassion for an obviously imbalanced person.  Most importantly, it allows you to release anger, bitterness, and excessive focus on revenge.  When carried around for years, those lower energy emotions hurt you, not the murderer. 

There’s a fine line here so examining your emotions may be the best litmus test.  It’s normal to desire justice and protect others from the murderer.  But you don’t want the murder to define and impair who you are during the rest of your earthly visit.

Your loved ones certainly would not want that either.  From their greater perspective of reality, they can understand why things unfolded as they did.  They can learn and grow from the experience, and want you to do the same.

One tool to assist with this admittedly big shift is the Heal & Transform Your Suffering technique that I created.  Deep relaxation and visualization can help you better understand the situation from a higher perspective.

May this information assist your journey from darkness to light.


Mini-Lesson #12: Choosing Higher Energy Emotions and Ways of Being

When I refer to ‘lower’ and ‘higher energies / emotions, I am not being completely subjective or judgmental.  I am referring to more objective measurements of different feelings and beliefs.  For example, peace, joy, and love calibrate at 600, 540, and 500; anger, fear, and guilt at 150, 100, and 30.  To learn more about this rating method, search for ‘David Hawkins PhD, MD Map of Consciousness’ and read his book Power Versus Force.

‘Higher energy emotions’ include love, peace, joy, compassion, enlightenment,  gratitude, and enthusiasm.  ‘Lower energy emotions’ include shame, guilt, anger, fear, bitterness, blame, and hopelessness.  To be clear, these are energies, emotions, and ways of being. 

It’s extremely important to focus — moment by moment — on the first list.  The quality and likely the quantity of your life is affected by your predominant thoughts, words, and deeds.  No one is perfect, but the goal is to live by the higher energy emotions.  Doing so literally shapes whether your life on earth and beyond seems more like heaven or hell.

Focusing on this is especially important for grieving family members after a child passes on.  Many people believe that outer events control the way you feel.  They think that the bodily death of a child can destroy your life and prevent being happy again.  However, the flip side of that is it can awaken you to thinking and living more deeply, at a more evolved level than many people can envision.

You can elevate your thoughts by setting the intention to do so and taking action steps.  Your thoughts affect the way you feel and the decisions you make.

Key sayings that helped me make this shift include:

– your life is what your thoughts make it (Confucius)

– always reach for the highest feeling thought (Abraham-Hicks)

– as you think, so shall you be (Jesus, Marcus Aurelius)

– most people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be (A. Lincoln)

As a bereaved family member, releasing lower energy emotions and choosing higher ones can be quite difficult. However, that may be one of — if not THE — biggest blessings and silver linings that awaiting you.  For example, you may initially get stuck in anger, blame, and sadness.   But over time, you may want to forgive God, life, yourself, others, and your child.

This is a two-part process:

·  release lower energy emotions, energies, and ways of being

·  choosing higher energy emotions, energies, and ways of being moment by moment

How to optimally do this varies since life circumstances of people are so different.  As such, I’ve created a list of articles at SoulProof.com to assist your search for how to best do this.

                                                   Releasing Lower Energy Emotions

Use primal release techniques such as screaming into a pillow, hitting a couch with a whiffle ball bat, and writing out your lower energy feelings and then tearing them up.  Others like writing your ‘negative’ feelings in the sand and then watching the tide wash them away.

89. Prayers
51. Meditation
86. Breathing Techniques  
77. Centering Practices
40. Love, Acceptance, and Forgiveness Technique
70. Holistic Breathing Technique
10. Handling Challenges

                                                               Choosing Higher Energy Emotions

1. Scientific Evidence That Bodily Death Is NOT the End of Life and #60 Clinical Evidence That Life Continues After Physical Death
82. Journey from ‘Bereaved’ to ‘Shining Light
62. I’ll Still Be Sad, But Not As Much
74. Is Your Life Unfolding Perfectly?
68. How To See More of ‘The Big Picture of Life’
59. Follow the Silver Lining Road
16. Sensible and Evidence-Based Spiritual Teachings
88.  Whole Food Supplements and Ways of Eating
71. Ask Your Soul Technique
88. Expanding Your View of Life
67. Contrast Souls

Put this to work and notice the improvement over time.  You deserve to feel happy, peaceful, and vibrant again.  And the world needs your greatest gifts and talents.


Mini-Lesson # 13: Creating the Greatest Life YOU Envision

We each come to planet earth with visions and goals, but some people don’t know this.  Others don’t clarify this vision, let alone accomplish it.  Doing so is a big key to enjoying heaven on earth – no matter what has happened to or around you.  Ralph Waldo Emerson is quoted as saying: ‘If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.’

That’s a lofty thought that I recommend posting where you’ll see it often.  However, some bereaved persons may not believe they could ever have, or even deserve, the greatest life they have imagined.  If you are among this group, I encourage you to reconsider.  Many people ‘sleep walk’ through this earthly experience.  That is, they don’t ask important questions about life and seek meaningful answers.  As you know, a child passing on can change all that.

Realizing your true nature – the YOU that continues living after bodily death — bestows many gifts.  One is trusting yourself enough to follow your highest callings and create the greatest life you have imagined.  And what clearer way could your inner self / Creator / Life reveal this than by what you enjoy and are passionate about?

As Joseph Campbell said: “If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there the whole while, waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living.

Again, that may sound like Mission Impossible to bereaved family members, especially if a child in your life recently crossed over.  Here’s one way to look at it . . . if you can identify and pursue this high vision, just think of how much you will inspire others to do the same.  Here are some steps to assist that journey . . .

  1. Follow your heart. Trust your intuition, that wise inner voice that guides you about every aspect of your life. Listen to what your higher self tells you.  You deserve to enjoy the greatest life of your dreams AND the world needs your brightest light.  One way to do this is using the Ask Your Soul technique.  To learn more, see article #71.
  2.  Envision your child rooting you on.  This is wise because it probably is happening.  When you feel like giving up, picture your loved one cheering you on.  You may find that you have ‘more gas in your tank’ than you thought.
  3. Identify and fulfill your soul’s missions. See article #21 and use the referenced audio session to help you do this using deep relaxation and guided imagery. It’s easier than you think.
  4. You can help make the world a better place. Creating the most wonderful life you have envisioned is not just about having a great life — although that is very important. The pieces of the world’s puzzle will fall in place as more and more people — starting with you and me —pursue their bliss and share their greatest gifts.
  5. Realize what’s really important. Some people – especially beginner souls – might think that excess riches, sex, fame, material objects, and attractiveness are the goal of life. But many people have pursued those in an unbalanced way and found an existential emptiness.  Many have found that what really counts is love, peace, joy, meaning, gratitude, enthusiasm, and other higher emotions / energies / ways of being.  It’s fine to enjoy prosperity, pleasure, a great life, recognition for your accomplishments, and looking your best.  Just remember that those can go away, but the prior list cannot.
  6. Have a life review before dying.  Many near-death experiencers return saying the life review was one of the most transformative aspects.  In it, you see, feel, and know all the good and not-so-good thoughts, words, and deeds you had toward yourself and others.  You always evaluate whether you fulfilled your purposes for visiting earth.  Did you love yourself and treat yourself as the beloved and integral part of Life you are?  See article #45 and use the Life Review Technique to see how you are doing and make improvements now.

I hope this article helps you move FROM sadness and pain TO creating the greatest life of your dreams.  You deserve it and the world is just waiting for you to sing all of your heart’s songs.

 

Mini-Lesson #14: When Your Only Child, or All Your Children, Change Worlds

If the bodily death of a child can be the cruelest of illusions, the passing of your only child – or all your children – may seem the cruelest.  It can be ‘bereavement on steroids’, especially if you have no grandchildren.

As one mother put it after her only child passed on: I’ll never see him graduate or marry.  He’ll never have kids and I won’t have grandkids.  Who will take care of me when I’m old?  His passing has changed so much that I thought would happen.

It’s natural to feel that way.  “Losing” your only child / children alters so many aspects of your life.   No one could or should blame you if you slumped into an irreversible depression for the rest of your time on earth.  However, not all parents react this way, thus my modifiers two paragraphs earlier:

  • the bodily death of a child can be the cruelest of illusions
  • the passing of your only child or children may seem the cruelest
  • it can be ‘bereavement on steroids’

Yes, my friends, there are some who find a way to get through even this apparent darkest of dark nights of the soul.  They eventually find deep joy, peace, and meaningful while they serve others and enjoy an expanded understanding of life.  Doing this is not easy but it is possible.

Here are my recommendations for surviving and perhaps even thriving, not despite, but because of, these challenges . . .

  1. Use the Helping Parents Heal (HPH) resources listed in (A.) and (B.) above.  Over time, your dearest friends and spiritual family will likely come from this group.  You can join a club that no one would initially want to be a member of; however, over time, it becomes a big part of an evolved life that wouldn’t have been possible without your child / children’s passing.
  2. Immerse yourself in learning about the afterlife evidence.  Life is inviting you to take a crash course to KNOW – without a doubt – that life continues after bodily death.  Reading articles #1 and 60 at SoulProof.com is a great start.  My book Soul Proof shares other vital evidence.
  3. Search for meaningful answers to the questions that bereaved family members understandably ask: Why would the Creator and Sustainer of All Life allow a child to pass on?  What kind of supposedly fair, loving, and supportive Universe is set up this way? There are very good answers to these questions but they require internalizing in your heart, not just intellectual knowing.  Few will be as motivated as you to spend the time, energy, and money to learn about these and other haunting existential questions.  I recommend articles #13, 78, and 82 as first steps.  The book The Big Picture of Life is another great way to jump in the waters of awakening.
  4. Use the following audio-products I’ve created.  (They are inexpensive, but let me know if you can’t afford them and we’ll send free digital copies.)a. Ask Your Soul: use to check in with your inner guidance each week. This will help you consider how to best proceed in each aspect of your life.m b. Holistic Breathing Technique allows you to release at least some of the immense pain, shock, sorrow that you may be feeling.c. Pre-Birth Planning to explore if you and your child set up the possibility of this apparent nightmare and, if so, why.d. Heal and Transform Your Suffering, when used regularly, can help you process your grief more quickly and thoroughly, and reenter the stream of life again.e. Facilitated After-Death Communication technique allows you to perceive your child and enjoy a different but very real relationship with them now.5. Read books and watch movies about your favorite heroes. They didn’t give up despite dire odds and eventually persevered. The flip side of suffering such a seemingly tragic event is the opportunity to become a hero, help others, and enjoy the many benefits of your expanded perspective.6. Observe and model those who have moved past severe grief and became shining light family members. HPH board members, Caring Listeners, and Affiliate Leaders are excellent examples. You can learn more about and contact these people at HelpingParentsHeal.org.  They are willing to share what worked for them and assist your recovery.  To learn more about this, see article #82 Journey from ‘Bereaved’ to ‘Shining Light’.7. Regarding what most affects your life, remember what many wise teachers have said: It’s not what happens TO you, it’s what occurs INSIDE you.’ That may sound like crazy talk when your only child – or all of your children – have graduated from earth school. After all, what parent wants to outlive their children?  Surely Creator, if there really is one at all, was asleep at the wheel, right?But there is another way to look at this.  That path involves trusting the way life unfolds.  Look at the stars on a clear night and remember: you and your child are eternal, infinite, integral, and beloved parts of the Power and Presence that designed, created, AND IS all that.  This unfathomable level of creativity, wisdom, and love cares for, assists, and guides you – even when it doesn’t seem like it.  Read article #73 Angels and Higher Energy Assistance to increasingly ‘get’ just how much you are supported and loved.It’s like the ‘Footprints in the Sand’ poem . . . when you only see one set of footprints, you are being carried.

    8. Develop a vision for persevering and finding the silver linings and blessings to your present circumstances. If you can do that, you will be a bright light for others who are suffering in this and other ways. In addition, you take that more evolved energy and consciousness with you wherever you go.  Here’s one way to look at it:

    a. People who have a very easy life may not develop any wisdom, compassion, strength, courage, and love during this earthly visit.  In that sense, they are like students who don’t complete elementary school.  Few people want to delve into ‘sad’ and ‘heavy’ topics when everything is going wonderfully.  Most have to be motivated by pain and tragedy to reach down deep and recall who they are and why they are here now.

    b. Those who go through moderate difficulties are like high school graduates who have faced formidable adversity and grown accordingly.

    c. Facing severe challenges – such as the passing of your only child / children – is like earning three PhDs. No one would ever wish to go through such a horrible challenge.  But it sets the stage for stellar growth, evolution, and service to others.  Whether you step up to that possibility and find the blessings is up to you.

    9.  Decide whether Life is actually loving and meaningful even though it appears cruel and unjust.  Are you being invited to have a different life than what you thought would occur?  One that – like the old Rolling Stones song – doesn’t give you what you want but what you need?  Wrapping your head around this requires understanding nine pieces of great newsthat Gary E. Schwartz PhD and I compiled while writing our book Greater Reality Living.  Much scientific, clinical, and experiential evidence now shows – with very high degrees of certainty – that you and everyone else:

    a. are still alive after your human form dies.

    b. do not really ‘lose’ loved ones after their earthly bodies perish since you reunite with them when you change worlds.

c. can enjoy a continued, but different, relationship with ‘departed’ loved ones now.

d. are integral, infinite, and beloved parts of Source Energy / Creator / One Mind.

e. receive assistance and guidance from sources variously described as angels, guides, master teachers, etc

f. can have different and, perhaps, simultaneous life experiences.

g. create how heavenly or hellish your life feels by your predominant thoughts, words and deeds.

h. are interconnected in sacred ways with all people, animals, and nature.

i. have special purposes for experiencing being on this planet at this time.

From this perspective, I can think of several reasons why the soul / consciousness of all family members involved might volunteer to create this – from a limited earthly view – nightmarish scenario.  (Keep in mind that the essence of the child / children involved also chose to participate.  They weren’t helpless and passive victims of a cruel fate.  Even though they appeared to be youngsters, they really were and are eternal souls who are probably quite advanced.)

  • One or more people involved needed a shake up to awaken from spiritual amnesia.  It’s quite common for souls to come to earth to not achieve their designed goals for several reasons.  These include not awakening to their true natures and getting side-tracked.
  • Those who come through such grief intact – or even stronger – can help others who are searching, struggling, and suffering with similar or lesser challenges.
  • The parents needed a quieter life to achieve their soul’s missions than a bustling household would permit. Their children were glad to play the role of young people who passed on.  As ‘old’ or advanced energetic beings, they consciously or unconsciously knew the great news listed above.
  • Everyone involved recognizes how, as discussed in my book Radiant Wellness, the health of most people and our planet has become imbalanced. So they volunteered to participate in a scenario where children were very ill, addicted, passed on by suicide, etc.  From a purely human perspective, this is senseless tragedy.  However, from an expanded understanding, it is love in action.
  • Before coming to earth, the parents knew that such overwhelming grief would break their hearts, radically change their lives, and perhaps even drive them to suicide. However, they also knew it could help them grow in ways not possible with an easier life.

If I can think of five reasons why this might happen, there likely are many more.

 

Mini-Lesson #15: Surviving – and Perhaps Even Thriving – During Holidays and Anniversaries 

If a child’s passing on is tough, going through the holidays after that can be the toughest.  For many, the first set of holidays and anniversaries can hit the hardest.  For others, it can feel worse later when the reality of ‘the new normal’ settles in more.  However, some people find ways to lighten the sadness and remember the reality of their child’s presence.

My recommendations for surviving – and maybe even thriving – during special times:

  1. Include your child in your holiday and anniversary rituals. We know from evidential mediums and other clinical input that children often visit, especially during special days. They are still part of the family and want to enjoy all that love and excitement from their new vantage point.  They are rooting for you and other loved ones on earth to remember that life and love are eternal, and to live accordingly.  Possible ways to do this include:a. Talk with them as if they are right there since they probably are.b. Give them a toast for having graduated from earth-school.c. Leave an empty chair and a place setting for them.d. Wrap one or more presents for them and then donate to a charitable organization.e. Donate money, time, or gifts in their name to honor them, heal, and serve others.

    f. Keep your usual and subtle senses alert for signs and high fives from them.

(Note: Use your discernment about how these practices might help or upset other family members.  If you’re not sure, check in with your group leader and/or Caring Listener beforehand to discuss.)

  1. Talk about wonderful memories while looking at videos and photos. Be prepared to laugh and cry as you celebrate their lives and further accept they have changed worlds. It can feel bittersweet, but that’s better than just bitter.
  2. . Use the A.R.T. Technique together. After the 12-minute intro, use this 23-minute session to focus on:A = appreciation for the time you spent together and wonderful memories

    R = realization
    that you can see your loved one after you pass on and perhaps now (see #4)T = transforming yourself to honor and create more meaning to his or her life

To learn more, see article #41 The A.R.T. Technique

  1. Have a group Facilitated After-Death Contact session. Some families do this on or around the holidays.  Play the 12-minute intro track, discuss and prepare, and then do the 45-minute session together.  Afterwards, compare notes to discover synchronicities and similarities of your perceptions.  To learn more, see article #9:  Visiting with “Departed” Loved Ones Now

During the holidays, anniversaries and every day you stand at a fork in life’s road.  Will you mainly focus on sadness, loss, pain, etc.?  Or will you instead feel gratitude for your time together, excitement about seeing each other again someday, and resolve to find some silver linings and share them with others?

This doesn’t totally and immediately remove the grief and sadness, but it does lighten it over time.  I hope this article helps you to move FROM sadness and pain TO being a shining light in our world.  You deserve to feel more peace, joy, and love.  And the world is just waiting for you to share your greatest gifts and sing all your heart’s songs.

Hugs, love, blessings, remember the big picture of life, and let it shine!
Mark

Disclaimer: This information is not designed to replace medical or psychological care.  Dr. Pitstick’s recommendations are based on forty-eight years of training and experience in hospitals, pastoral counseling settings, mental health centers, and holistic health practice.  Some of his statements are supported by clinical and scientific data while others are based on experiential evidence and his best current understandings.

Mark Pitstick, MA, DC is an author, counselor with a masters in clinical psychology, holistic chiropractic physician, frequent media guest, and workshop / webinar teacher.  He also attended theology school, majoring in pastoral counseling, and trained in suicide prevention.  Mark directs The SoulPhone Foundation, founded Greater Reality Living groups, and assists research for the SoulPhone Project.  His mission is to help you know and show that – no matter what is happening to you or around you – this earthly experience is a totally safe, meaningful, and magnificent adventure amidst forever.  To learn more, visit SoulProof.com.