by Mark Pitstick MA, DC
(Note: All of my articles, e-books, audio programs, documentary film, and radio interviews are FREE at SoulProof.com/Articles and SoulProof.com/Shop)
If you’ve not already, please read . . .
- ‘The Great News‘(article #19 at SoulProof.com/Articles)
- ‘Eight Developments for Widespread Conscious Living Now‘ (#125)
- Greater Reality LIVING Program: Integrating ‘The 8 Developments’ Into Your Daily Life (#72)
- Greater Reality HEALING Program: Journeying FROM Deeply Grieving TO Brightly Shining (#82)
The evidence-based information and holistic resources outlined in these articles will help you to:
- realize your true nature as an eternal being of consciousness / life-force / energy
- receive guidance and assistance from highly evolved energies and Source / The Light
- heal old wounds, release lower energies, and update erroneous teachings
- create the greatest life YOU have envisioned (YOU = your higher self / soul)
- help others by sharing your greatest gifts
- make our world a better place
As enough people do this, widespread personal and planetary change will naturally unfold.
Must the Severity of Your Grief Equal How Much You Loved?
When the body of a beloved person or pet dies, do you believe that your degree of grief must be proportional to how much you loved them? That is, if you loved – and still love – them deeply, must you grieve severely? This is a BIG question that eventually impacts nearly everyone. A similar question arises after the end of a relationship for non-death reasons.
Defining terms is always helpful for a clear discussion. In my usage, ‘deep grief’ describes profound anguish that can negatively impact a person mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. Deep grief can cause harm to every aspect of life: daily functioning, relationships, career, health, self-care, and good decision making.
I’ve helped and worked with many people who suffered deep grief. For clarity, I’ll group their time-frames for healing and positively transforming as:
A. Remarkably quickly: People in this group moved rapidly toward finding silver linings, benefiting from them, and helping others. This transition is amazing to behold and demonstrates what is possible for all of us. To be clear, people in this group are still sad, miss their loved ones, and wish the loss / change had never happened. However, their ‘AND’ approach is the key: they feel all that AND, at the same time, consciously choose to think, speak, and act in higher-energy ways. This helps them heal, serve others, and create more meaning to what happened. As a result, the severity and duration of their grieving is less than average.
Elizabeth Boisson’s son Morgan passed on while hiking in the Himalayas after completing college. Within a week, she searched for a ‘higher path’ recovery program after such a devastating loss. When she didn’t find one, she co-founded Helping Parents Heal (HPH). Over the years, I’ve met other people who quickly pivoted to ‘OK, I wish this hadn’t happened but it did. I know there are reasons and meanings behind this. I’m going to learn more about the big picture of life, live accordingly, and make my loved one proud of me.’
B. Moderately quickly: This group went through ‘the dark night of the soul’ for a few months to several years before their grief lessened. Over time, they became forces of nature – amazing examples of how resilient and strong human beings can be. In a way, their ability to help others is even more impactful because they experienced such deep grief but came through it. I’ve been blessed to know many people in this category. They include many of the volunteers for HPH and the Greater Reality HEALING Program (see below). For example, Brian Smith greatly feared death for many years before his daughter Shayna passed on while a teenager. It took several years for him to move out of deep grief but, after he did, he’s been amazing. He and his wife Ty help many people in powerful ways. To learn more about his ways of serving, visit www.Grief2Growth.com.
C. Very slowly or not at all: Some people deeply grieve for many years after the passing of a loved one while others never recover. A big part of their identity becomes that of a bereaved spouse, sibling, friend, parent, or pet owner. They often know – and will tell you whether you inquire or not – the exact number of years, months, and days since their loved one passed on. Some of them actively attempt suicide while others do so passively and slowly. (Examples of the latter include excessive smoking, drinking alcohol, using drugs, taking risky behaviors, and making bad decisions.)
Some people in this group eventually destroy their marriage and other relationships because of their mental, emotional, and/or physical imbalances. I’ve heard some of them emphatically state ‘I’ll never be happy again. I’ll grieve like this on my deathbed.’ They are stuck in their grief. I’m not judging or criticizing anyone who intensely grieves for a long time. However, after working with many grieving people for over 50 years, I know there is more control over this than many people realize.
After seeing this range of grieving, the clinician part of me asked ‘Why is there such a wide spectrum of how deeply and how long people grieve?’ The following is a list of factors I’m aware of. Seeing these in print reveals powerful clues about how you can lessen the severity and duration of your grief like people in groups A and B.
1. What are your beliefs? Ancient philosophical and religious teachings agree that ‘As you think, so shall you be’. If you are around others who think that deep and prolonged grieving is inescapable, you may assume they are right and suffer accordingly. Likewise, if you believe there is no life after bodily death, your grief may be deeper since you think there’s no hope of seeing them again. Fortunately, life after death has now been scientifically proven but the evidence behind that statement may not impress those who are close-minded to the data.) To learn more, read articles:
#1 Scientific Evidence That Bodily Death Is NOT the End of Life
#60 Clinical Evidence That Life Continues After Physical Death
#115 Experiential Evidence for Life After Death
#19 ‘The Great News’ about the Nature of Reality
2. Are you on a spiritual / religious path? Most of the people I’ve interviewed in category (A) had established spiritual practices. Others quickly awakened to a bigger picture of life after some spiritually transformative experience. For some, attending religious / spiritual services helps them remember that life is ultimately fair, meaningful, and loving. Others enjoy being in nature, meditating, doing yoga, and other ways to quiet the brain and remember it’s all good / it’s all God.
#16 Evidence-Based Teachings About the Nature of Reality
#17 Spiritually Transformative Experiences
#50 Meditation, Yoga, and Relaxation
#89 Prayer
3. What is your level of soul advancement? My working assumption is that those who heal and positively transform after loss are often more evolved souls. Put another way, they more consistently and consciously choose to think, speak, and act in higher energy ways. (This is a HUGE clue about how to lighten the duration and severity of grief after any kind of change that seems like a loss due to limited human perceptions and understandings.)
‘Beginner souls’ may react based on fear, lack of information, anger, guilt, and other lower-energy emotions. ‘Intermediate / advanced souls’ are more likely to respond based on evidence-based information. They are more likely to use holistic resources that aren’t mainstream but are very powerful and healing. (The good news is that your soul / energy level is not ‘set in stone’ but, rather, can be upgraded anytime you are ready.)
#108 Higher Energies, Emotions, and Ways of Being
#117 Are You a More Advanced Soul?
#128 My Advice If You Are a More Advanced Soul OR Want To Become One
4. How prepared are you for big changes in life? Adversity and big changes are inevitable parts of the earthly experience. Wise persons prepare for life’s curveballs that they may not see coming. I recently had a fascinating conversation with a retired Marine Colonel who trained soldiers to be prepared no matter what. If their objective was to take a hill, they were trained to move forward even if those around them were blown up. Otherwise, their deaths would be in vain. When his son passed on, that Marine training kicked in. As he described it ‘I don’t remember much about that time, but I did everything I had to do. I just kept moving forward.’
Wellness and balance of the body / brain assist optimal responses to adversity. If you’re already ill, depressed, anxious, and/or fatigued, encountering a loss might seem like ‘piling on’ and lead to overwhelm. Taking great care of ‘the temple of your soul’ is part of preparing for life’s big changes and challenges. Likewise, it’s important to have close family and/or friends who are open-minded to contemporary evidence and higher possibilities.
#12 Optimal Self Care: How to Holistically Fine Tune Yourself
#66 Optimal Relationships for More Evolved People
My books Shining Light Parents Speak, Ask the Soul Doctor, and Radiant Wellness: A Holistic Guide for Optimal Earthly Experiences
5. What timing is built into your soul’s planning? There’s a greater rhyme and reason to life’s events than we can fathom. If you are still deeply grieving after a long time, perhaps you needed to experience that for good reasons. Counseling can help you explore that, internalize the blessings from your suffering, and move on.
Lisa W is an excellent evidential medium and leader in HPH whose two sons both passed on. She realized the big picture of life after her second son changed worlds. After discussing the topics in this article, she wrote: ‘Why didn’t I “get it” twelve years earlier when Michael crossed over? The specific circumstances had to be right; maybe it wasn’t time yet for my soul to awaken.’ Elizabeth, mentioned above, grew up in India and was exposed to profound spiritual teachings there. Even so, her soul apparently had its own path and timing. She immediately knew there was more to life after Morgan changed words, but didn’t 19 years earlier when her little daughter passed on.
#20 Discerning Your Inner Wisdom
#25 Pre-Birth Planning: Did I REALLY Choose All This?
6. How quickly do you pivot to helping others? This is such a critical factor since serving others helps you AND them. One key to moving through deep grief is to ask ‘How can I help?’ Then look around and observe how you feel called to serve. Doing this in your loved one’s name helps heal you, honors them, and creates more meaning. This sacred process of alchemy – like creating gold from straw – is a joy to behold and powerful to experience.
Several years ago, I received an email from an older woman who wrote: ‘My husband, son, and family dog all passed on in the last year. They were all I had and I just can’t take the pain and loneliness. I’ve decided to move on by suicide and just wanted to tell someone good-bye before I did. I’ve followed your work for years and know you will understand.’
I replied, ‘I am very sorry for all the understandable pain after three deaths in a short period of time. No one could or should judge you for deciding that you’ve had enough. Your spiritual support team and The Light will not judge, shame, or punish you. Quite likely, your loved ones will welcome you when you pass over. However, some evidence indicates that you / your soul may need to rest and recharge for a while before re-entering the flow of life and being with them on a regular basis. This isn’t punishment from an angry God but, rather, necessary rehab after energy- draining emotions – sadness, despair, guilt, fear, etc. – before, during, and after suicide. As such, you actually might be around your loved ones sooner and more fully if you can find a way to complete your earthly curriculum. Many deeply grieving people have found that serving others in need helped them have a breakthrough instead of a breakdown.’
I get emails like this fairly often and sometimes never learn what actions they choose. I pray for them, but don’t hold myself responsible about the outcome. A few months later, I received this message from her: ‘I wanted to let you know that I took your advice and it worked! Three times a week, I work at our local soup kitchen. I think of my loved ones and silently say their names with every plate of food I hand out. I’m going to make them proud of me and stay on earth until my work here is done. Sometimes, I think I can feel them smiling down on me and cheering me on. Thank you for showing me another way and helping me know I will see them again in a blink of an eye.’
This woman had three dear ones change worlds in a short period of time and, understandably, felt like she couldn’t go on. However, serving others helped her take one day at a time and honor the natural rhythms of earthly birth and death. Choosing a higher energy path through loving service also helped her sense her dear ones more keenly.
#21 Identify and Fulfill Your Highest Purposes
#80 Why Are You on Earth Now? S.A.G.E. Training
#119 Greater Reality HELPING Yourself, Others, and Our World
7. Do you reach out for help? How long, if ever, does it take for you to ask for help? Some people erroneously think they have to suffer in silence. Men, especially, may believe it’s a sign of weakness to admit they need assistance. (That’s actually 180 degrees from the truth; those who realize when they need help are stronger and more in touch with themselves.) To open your heart and mind about this, listen to the old song by Bill Withers Lean on Me. Many people stand ready to assist, but can’t if they don’t know you need it. See the resources listed below and please reach out.
Ask your doctors and counselors for help. Attend grief recovery groups, especially those that focus on ‘the big picture of life’ and enjoying a continued but different relationship now. My following audio programs can help immensely:
Holistic Breathing Technique is a powerful and time-tested way to release deep sadness, fears, and past misinformation.
Ask Your Soul, Angels, and The Light allows you to access your and their inner wisdom and consider how to best journey forward
Heal and Transform Your Suffering uses deep relaxation and visual imagery to quiet your brain that perceives much less than 1% of reality. This allows your higher self / consciousness to move past lower-energy emotions and recall all that you know within.
To learn more, read the following articles:
#2 When a Child Changes Worlds
#3 When a Loved One’s Earthly Body Dies
#4 When a Loved One Passes On by Suicide
#27 When a Loved One’s Earthly Body Is Murdered . . .
8. Are you alert for their signs and visits? Good evidence indicates that ‘departed’ loved ones usually try to communicate that they are alive, well, and want to stay in touch. They are transmitting this but you have to be a good receiver. Realms where your loved ones now reside are characterized by higher energies, emotions, and ways of being: love, peace, joy, gratitude, compassion, enthusiasm, and enlightenment. Focusing on these each day – even when it’s difficult – can help you sense them better so you can enjoy a different but very real relationship.
Many people in groups (A) and (B) above were inspired and energized by detecting just small initial signs from their loved ones. Certified evidential mediums can also help, especially you want to ‘jump start’ greater awareness of your dear ones in spirit. Over time and with practice, those developed into fuller contacts that are ‘the next best thing’ to how it used to be. These visits remind you that life and love are eternal. You will see them again someday after you pass on but you don’t have to wait until then to visit.
#9 Visit with Your ‘Departed’ Loved Ones NOW
9. The ‘X’ Factors: This is my term for the unknowns operative in the cosmos. In 2025, there is much that we know about how life is set up, but there is still much we don’t know. (Imagine a five-year-old trying to learn differential calculus and quantum physics. That’s how even the wisest people on earth are when pondering the cosmos.) There are no articles per se about this; how can I write about the unknown? However, these may help . . .
Now you know some factors about why people respond differently to life’s big changes. What is your conclusion about if the severity of your grief must be proportional to how much you loved. Mine is that you can love very deeply AND consciously choose how you handle shifts that seem like losses. You can feel sad and, at the same time, resolve to find, benefit from, and share the silver linings.
* * * * * * *
Having explored this question, the obvious next one is ‘HOW can you lighten the severity and duration of your grief?’ My answers to that are shared in articles:
#82 Greater Reality HEALING Program: Journeying FROM Deeply Grieving TO Brightly Shining
#109 Journey FROM Deeply Grieving TO Brightly Shining: Part 2
#84 Heal and Transform Your Suffering
I created 18 thirty-minute videos that walk you through the Greater Reality HEALING Program at SoulProof.com.
Greater Reality HEALING online meetings on the second Tuesday of each month at 8pm Eastern and the 4th Sunday at 11am Eastern are FREE with no registration required. To join these via Zoom, click here https://us02web.zoom.us/j/3293831916?omn=83439677432 OR type 329 383 1916 under JOIN at www.Zoom.us
Visit HelpingParentsHeal.org for wonderful information and resources for parents and family members with a child who passed on.
Thank you for telling others about this article! Your life, and that of others around you, will be more enriched when you:
- read the article again so you really know it.
- discuss with close family and friends to more deeply internalize it.
- take action steps that seem right for you.
- share it with others via social media, discussion groups, and other ways.
Hugs, love, blessings, and let it shine!
Mark
Mark Pitstick, MA, DC
author, lecturer, counselor, and holistic chiropractic physician; spokesperson, research assistant, and strategic planner for the SoulPhone Project; founder of Greater Reality Living, Healing, Helping, and Sharing Programs
SoulProof.com SoulPhone.org GreaterRealityPrograms.com
Mark Pitstick, MA, DC is a master’s clinical psychologist, holistic chiropractic physician, and clinical nutritionist. He has also helped others in pastoral counseling and suicide prevention / education settings. His goal is to help you know and show that this earthly experience is a totally safe, meaningful, and magnificent adventure amidst eternity.
To learn more about the Greater Reality LIVING, HEALING, HELPING, and SHARING Programs, visit ‘Greater Reality Programs’ top tab at SoulProof.com and SoulPhone.org. Also see articles #19, 72, 82, 119, 122, and 125 at SoulProof.com/Articles.
SoulProof.com provides many FREE resources:
- 8 e-books Radiant Wellness, Soul Proof, The Eleven Questions, Greater Reality Living, The Big Picture of Life, The Afterlife Evidence, Ask the Soul Doctor, and Shining Light Parents Speak
- 10 audio programs Holistic Breathing; Afterlife Contact; Ask Your Soul, Angels, and The Light; Pre-Birth Planning; Identify and Fulfill Your Purposes AND Enjoy Your Greatest Life; Your Life Review; Appreciate, Realize, and Transform; Love, Acceptance, and Forgiveness; Past Life Regression; Heal and Transform Your Suffering
- 4 audio books (Greater Reality Living, Soul Proof, Radiant Wellness, and Shining Light Parents Speak; we don’t have control over the others)
- 125 Articles (as of 3/1/25) answering the most commonly asked questions and providing holistic solutions for your toughest challenges
- 25 Radio Shows: interviews with experts on consciousness, afterlife, and creating an optimal earthly experience. These include Wayne Dyer, Brian Weiss, Anita Moorjani, Raymond Moody, Michael Newton, Caroline Myss, and others.
- 27 Videos on different pages
- Monthly newsletters (subscriber sign-up at bottom of each website page)
Instead of payment, he asks that you: (1) fully use and appreciate the products, (2) share them with others, and (3) help others in ways you feel called, that is, pay it forward.
The following are also available for a fee:
- 8 printed books Radiant Wellness, Soul Proof, The Eleven Questions, Greater Reality Living, The Big Picture of Life, The Afterlife Evidence, Ask the Soul Doctor, and Shining Light Parents Speak
- Coaching / Counseling Sessions with Dr. Pitstick by Zoom to gain answers to your biggest questions and holistic solutions to your toughest challenges.
Note: This article is intended as a reference source, not to replace professional treatment for physical, emotional, or mental problems. The author disclaims any liability arising directly or indirectly from the voluntary use of action steps discussed in article.
I created this article while ‘wearing the hat’ of a clinician, counselor, and educator. My statements are based upon some scientific research; much clinical and experiential evidence; my personal experiences; and my best current understandings. This program does not reflect my roles with the SoulPhone Project since those require solid scientific data for all statements.
